Blood Rain :
by Tenpa-Neko
Summary: In a life where shades of gray are forbidden, they are the only things with meaning. Kyo and Yuki are caught in the middle of a centuries old secret that can fix their broken lives with only two things, acceptance of the surreal... and of each other.
1. No one Saves you

**Angst time my friends! I'll try not to be too depressing.**

**I try SO hard to write normal Fanfiction and all I get is Angst! WTF is this??**

**Random Thing : I took a quiz online "Which emotion do you represent" and I came out as angst. . **

**Disclaimer : I think everyone knows by now who owns Furuba. Sheesh. It ain't meh. **

Chapter 1 _"No One Saves You"_

* * *

_The small enclosed room had only a few rays of the moon drifting through the bars. They illuminated two figures. One standing, hand poised above his head ready to strike. One kneeling, bleeding from cuts all over his body. _

_Kyo shakily got to his feet, his knees torn and bleeding. He held out his hands - backing away. _

"_Please … please.. stop"_

_Akito's laugh sounded oddly dead in the room. _

"_Why should I do that?"_

_He suddenly jumped forward – grabbing Kyo face. One hand on each cheek – he pulled Kyo forward until only inches separated them. _

_His voice came out in a hiss " Even if I never stop – even if you die here today. Who would care? Who would could possibly care about… " Akito spat the word out like it was poison "A __**monster**__ like you"_

_He threw Kyo away from him. Kyo hit the wall with a resounding thud – and a cry of pain._

_Kyo opened his mouth – but only to close it seconds later. He winced in pain as he slumped – losing any defiance he had left._

_The entire left side of his face was bruised. There was a gash above his eye, still bleeding from where Akito had hit him. His left arm jutted out at an odd angle and his chest was bruised and bloody. _

_Kyo lifted his head up from the floor "….yuki…"_

_Akito smirked. "He's not coming"_

"_No one is coming."_

"_You are Alone"_

"_Left Alone"_

"_To die"_

* * *

It was morning. And I think everyone knows what that means. Yuki was practically dead, Kyo was missing, and Tohru was worried. 

"Good mourning Yuki-kun!"

The light voice of Tohru rang through the house. Yuki's slumped form on the kitchen table stirred only slightly as she entered the room.

"I don't suppose you've seen Kyo-kun? I mean – he's not in his room or the roof and.. its going to rain soon"

Her words come out all in a rush. Yuki lifted his head from his arms to regard her trembling brown eyes.

"I wouldn't worry Miss. Honda. The _baka_ can take care of himself."

Shigure stumbled into the kitchen landing on the floor.

"Oh no **Shigure-san**! Are you all right? Oh... I **knew **I should have cleaned the floor... Oh you **slipped**!! I'm **so **sorry Shigure-san! Can you **ever** forgive me!!"

Tohru's panicked voice rose in pitch until it sounded like she was about to cry.

Shigure waved a hand in dismissal "No need to worry, My lovely flower. I was bound to slip someday" His smile seemed to calm her down.

Yuki sighed and sat up.

"Its not your fault he slipped Honda-san. The inu's always been clumsy." He shot a death glare at Shigure as he got up - dusting his knees.

"Now now!" Shigure scolded him – smirking slightly. "There's no need to be so nasty to me! Who feeds you Remember!"

"Tohru"

"Uh..Who washes your clothes"

"Tohru"

"Who Cleans?"

"Tohru"

"Ah but is she not my flower?"

Yuki scowled at Shigure, now sitting down at the table looking at the lovely meal cooking on the stove.

"Ahh my flower… that smells most delicious. "

She blushed wildly and bit her lip. "Ne.. I tried my hardest .. I hope you enjoy it.. " She bowed her head to hide her red face.

_**BANG**_

Everyone jumped. Shigure fell out of his chair and Tohru – no doubt – started fussing uncontrollably.

A certain orange-haired fireball flew through the door. Shigure looked at the cat shaped hole and sighed , muttering "Don't destroy my house..."

The cat fell on the kitchen table, nearly on top of yuki's head causing him to raise his hand to bat the cat across the room. Hopefully through a wall. A hard wall.

But he didn't.

He was too busy starring at the blood that covered the neko's fur.

_A tiny little boy - orange haired. Blood seaping from multiple cuts all over his body, his face bruised and battered beyond recognition. He looked up at the approaching boy- eyes wide with badly surpressed fear._

_"Yuki... I'm so sorry..."_

One eye struggled to open – and a weak hiss came from the cat. He raised itself weakly from the table and used to last of his energy to bolt up the stairs and slam a door. No doubt to his room.

Nobody else had looked at the cat – nobody else had seen the blood. Only Yuki. The traces of it left on the table were easily disguised by moving the napkin holder to cover it.

Yuki scowled. No doubt the baka neko had gotten into a fight somewhere. It wasn't a problem of his. His eyes flicked to the hole in the door Shigure was now measuring.

The phone rang.

_Riiing_

_Riiiiiiiiiiing_

Shigure answered it.

"Hello?"

The cold voice that came through the phone seemed to chill Shigure's mind.

"_Shigure – how I have longed to hear your voice. You never visit now you live with those children. Tell me… how is Kyo faring?"_

Shigure squinted " He's fine Akito. He just came back from somewhere."

"_Do you know where"_

"No – he went straight up to his room. He .. was in cat form"

"_I see."_

Silence..

"_Send him to me"_

"Of course. Right away"

"_Not now. I am still weak. Before the end of the week. Don't forget"_

**Click**

* * *

Shigure went back to the kitchen. His mind was churning, his thoughts were confused. He winced and scowled at himself. 

"Stop imagining things that aren't there Shigure..."

* * *

Yuki and Tohru were heading out the door on their way to school. Tohru stopped - her eyes large and pitiful . 

"Oh no! We forgot Kyo"

Yuki looked up at the house toward Kyo's room. He swore that he could see two red eyes blinking at him through the darkness. Then they vanished.

"He probably already left."

Yuki wasn't in the mood for any more cat antics.

* * *

Kyo watched them leave. He couldn't cry. He wouldn't lose the last bit of dignity he had left. 

When Yuki looked back , and Kyo looked straight into his eyes – Kyo was sure they would come back for him.

And then they left.

Even Tohru

They Left Him

"_No one is coming"_

The chilly words made him shiver even now.

"_You are Alone"_

"_Left Alone"_

"_To die…"_

* * *

**Well well??? Talk to meh... **

**I feel sorry for Kyo – I'm one of those Let's-Put-Kyo-Through-Hell people so.. Consider yerself ****warned!**

**Review meh :pokes readers with electric cattle prod:**

**Click teh button!!!**


	2. The Beginning of The Line

**Ahh reviews. You make my heart go warm.**

**It is SO hard to put something other than Angst into my chapters. :Growl:**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally nothing... except this laptop. And my sanity... :Sweatdrop:**

Chapter 2 _"The Beginning of The Line"_

* * *

Tohru's mind was drifting. That's not exactly a surprise – it never seems to be able to stay in one place. She felt nervous – guilty. 

_I know I should have looked for Kyo-Kun. I could have sworn he'd never left for school. I would have seen – wouldn't I? Yuki seems so happy... did he... no. He can't have._

Her eyebrows furrowed together – she could feel a headache was dangerously close to happening.

She stole a glance at Yuki. He was walking calmly beside her, his face serene.

She brought a hand up to her face to fidget with her hair. For some reason – she felt she had forgotten something back at Shigure's...

Yuki was walking as if in a dream. He noticed that Tohru was fidgeting but he didn't say anything. He felt if he said anything, the dream would disappear.

Everything seemed more vivid. More alive. As if the whole world existed purely for him and if he stopped living – so would the world. The mood he was in – was something Yuki had never experienced before. It was – simply – happiness. He smirked. _"I should leave the Neko behind more often."_

When they arrived at Kaibara high school, Hana and Uo sprang up out of the blue.

Yuki glanced away from them. His fan girls were milling around the grounds – whispering behind their hands. For once, he didn't mind so much. He even flashed a smile their way. Their eyes grew wide and they blushed. Yuki grinned - it was amazing how uplifted he felt without having to deal with the Neko. When he brought his gaze back to Tohru's friends – he realized he'd been spacing out. Uo was waving her hand in front of his face, an expression on her face that can only be described as being completely pissed off.

"Yo prince? You gunna get your ass to class or do I have to kick it there?"

Tohru blushed madly. "Ne… Uo-Chan"

Yuki waved his hand. "I don't mind Honda-kun" He bowed his head to Uo. "I apologize Miss Uotani."

Uo's eyebrows shot up so far they were hidden beneath her hair. She didn't really know how to respond to politeness. To cover her confusion, she grabbed Tohru and Hana's hands and mumbled a hasty "Good-bye..."

Yuki smirked ever so slightly. That always got her to leave. The bell echoed across the grounds and the smirk vanished. He swore under his breath – why was he always late nowadays?

* * *

It was just barely drizzling at Shigure's. A hesitant sun peeked through dark and angry clouds. Kyo was lying on the roof; his shirt had ridden up revealing a tan stomach. The cold tiles touched his skin and he shivered. His arms were crossed behind his head as he scowled up at the sky. 

To this day, it's a secret how he gets up there. He never uses the ladder and there are no trees close enough to jump from. Let alone the fact that he had a badly sprained leg and he looked like he's been in a street fight.

Maybe not in the street…

_Why?_ Kyo's thoughts were all shouting at him at once

_Why does ever poisoned covered word that leaves Akito's mouth…_

_Why do they all sound so True?_

He knew he should be at school. He knew he should have called Hatori. He knew Tohru must be freaking her little head off. But he didn't care. Nothing seemed important anymore. Nothing mattered. No matter how much he tried to beat that... that

_Kuso Nezumi_

He never could. Never.

And if He never could. That meant one thing.

* * *

Shigure was relaxing in front of the T.V. If you can call it relaxing. He was stretched out on the couch, arms folded and fists clenched. His eyes were narrowed until only slits were visible. He gave the impression that if someone was to hit him- he would ring like a bell. 

Hatori was sitting opposite him. Composed and calm, he didn't seem like someone who had just delivered life changing news to the Inu. Hatori was used to this reaction – as a messenger from Akito – he was not used to people thanking him for his presence.

Shigure's glance fell on Hatori once more. He refrained from even using his usual nickname.

'When Will I have to tell them?"

Hatori looked away.

"Before the end of the week would be best. It would come as less of a shock - when..." his breath hitched the tiniest bit. It was barely noticeable, but the observant Inu heard it.

"Why do you let him do it? Why do you let him get away with it?"

Hatori showed no emotion. "He is my Kami. He must be obeyed at all costs. Shigure, you know that better than most."

Shigure flushed angrily. "I did that for survival .Its different"

Hatori smile was cold. "Of course it is." He stood, buttoning his coat. "Thank you for your hospitality."

Shigure glanced away. Hatori wavered – he did not want to leave with such a rift between them. He looked outside – at his car with the black-haired figure in it. Hatori knew what would happen if he was not prompt. His mouth twitched, he turned and left. Leaving a silent Shigure behind.

**

* * *

**

Yuki had gotten more worried as the school day progressed. Kyo was in all his classes, but he didn't appear in any. Yuki had thought Kyo could have gotten over himself enough to at least show up. Tohru was worrying herself silly, shredding any piece of paper she could her hands on.

Yuki scowled. _That Baka Neko will get the beating of a lifetime when I get back_

"Are you alright Sohma-kun?" Tohru's worried voice pierced through his fog. He smiled at her, hoping to Aleve her worry. "I'm fine miss. Honda thank you" She smiled back, her too-innocent chocolate eyes blinking at him with a bit less worry.

Yuki's thoughts were heading decidedly toward the depressed and angsty.

_The Baka Neko thinks he's the only one with problems. Worrying Miss Honda. He doesn't care about anyone around him. Probably thinks he's the only one Akito 'visits'. _

Yuki forced the scowl distorting his face to disappear. Tohru looked like she didn't need anything more to fret about. He stood up and walked over to her desk – behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders and whispered "Stop worrying Miss. Honda. I feel tense just looking at you." He smiled so she would know he was not serious – but…

'"Oh I'm **so sorry**!! I'll stop **right **away!!"

* * *

Shigure's cheerful voice greeted them as they walked through the door. "Ah Yuki-kun! I see you have brought my beautiful flower back from another day's hard work!" Yuki raised a hand and -without even thinking - hit the back of Shigure's head. "Pervert" 

Tohru blushed profusely. "Ne... Shigure-San..."

Yuki glanced up the stairs then turned to Shigure. "Kyo here?" Shigure shrugged. "I thought he was at school with you two." He turned to Tohru, grasping her hand with his and he fell to his knees "I know I would spend as **much** time as I **possibly** could with my lovely flower."

Yuki's kick sent him flying through his door. Shigure winced – more from the idea of having to repair_ another_ door than of the pain.

Yuki stomped up the stairs and paused in front of Kyo's door. The only sound he could hear was that of Tohru fussing over Shigure. _Baka Neko..._ Yuki's fists clenched and he kicked the door open to confront a startled Kyo. He was curled in a ball under the window, and was too surprised to fight back when Yuki grabbed his collar.

Shigure moaned dramatically. "Oh Tohru-kun... I'll never be able to write again! My career... in ruins! My hand is too twisted to even raise a cup to my parched lips!"

Tohru's eyes widened in distress as she fell to her knees beside Shigure "Oh Shigure-San! Don't worry I will help you, Ne...I'm so sorry!!"

She was interrupted as two boys sailed past them. In Kyo's case – literally. Shigure winced, "Isn't one door enough?"

They didn't stay in the house however, Yuki kicked Kyo straight through the wall and he landed in the ground outside.

Tohru bit her lip in confusion.

_Oh mom! Yuki looked like he was really mad... Should I go after them and stop them from fighting... oh I don't know what to do! I don't want either of them to get hurt... oh what should I do!!!_ She wailed in her head.

Shigure looked at the Kyo-Sized hole in the wall and winced. "As long as they don't fight in here - I don't care" he mumbled while Tohru looked distractedly after them.

* * *

**Teh heh… I feel kinda bad for Kyo, Yuki's realllllllly maaaaadd**

**Oh well – Kyo can take it. … :Sweatdrop:**

**Kyo : Ya Hoe**

**Meh :pokes with stick: Don't talk to meh that way!**

**Kyo : Why not? You're beating me up!**

**Meh :smirk: I know. fun, isn't it?**

**Yuki :nod:smirk:**

**Kyo : Everyone hates me...**

**BTW : The next chapter will be longer.. and better... so yea. Stick around!**

**It's sooo easy. Just click teh button! It's right there:Points:shoves readers toward button:**

_**: .Tenpa. : **_


	3. Memories

**I think you get this by now – but the italics are mostly like the characters thoughts. Ok? Got it? Good.**

**A/N: In the last chapter, I think I managed to play down the angst.. :Hack:** **– this one will be very flashback-filled.**

**BTW: I'm probably going to be able to update fairly often. It's not like I have a life or anything**

**Btw2: I'm going mostly by the manga, not the anime.**

**I hope my writing's getting better. Cuz, looking back on the last two chapters, it sucked!**

**Reviews : **

**Maisy : Yea… I've got this really bad habit of creating hooks and never solving them. I mean , I know what the ending is.. so I think everyone else does too.. ;) Don't worry though, I'll finish them.. :Sweatdrop:**

**Ty.. for reviewing. I was very happy to read ur review**

**Mousecat : (_Smirk)_ You'll find out... I hope the writing is better in this Chappi - plz tell meh :)**

**Everyone else : Thx Thx.. _Bows_ I Love you all!**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine. Just borrowing them ;-)**

Chapter 3 _"Memories"_

* * *

_"You want to be accepted into this family?"_

"_You want to be treated like... a human?"_

_"You want to be happy?"_

"_I won't allow it."_

"_Never"_

"_Get that into your thick head"_

The eyes of the startled Neko shot open. His breath caught in his tense throat until he had to fight to breath. His body was riddled with sweat – and so tense if someone were to touch him they would feel tight cords under his skin. His red eyes were narrowed in pain and bloodshot from having had barely any sleep. Every time he tried to sleep, he was awoken by the same nightmare. He didn't know if he was screaming, judging by the fact nobody had come to check on him, he hadn't.

Or maybe they just didn't care. ………. He sighed.

_Not going there Kyo – just fucking sleep already!_

He rolled onto the side of his body not riddled with bruises. His eyes tried to shut, but he no longer felt the need of sleep. He just lay there, in the darkness. His red eyes glowing and staring straight ahead of him. His legs instinctively curling up toward his chest, in an unconscious attempt to protect himself.

* * *

Yuki couldn't sleep. Every time his eyes closed, the next second he could have sworn he heard a scream. His body shot up, the blankets falling to the floor. But when he realized nobody else was awake, he lowered himself back to the futon. Retrieving the blankets, He stared at the ceiling, realizing with a start how cold it had gotten. The Nezumi shivered, trying to pull the blankets around his shoulders before he froze. 

He had been sick all his life. The moment he was born, Hatori had needed to be sent for the silent shivering infant. The second Yuki had meet Kyo, he had envied him. He never coughed, never shivered, and was never sick. He was the opposite of weak and fragile. Yuki had hated him too, for Kyo could never appreciate what he had. He informed everyone, loudly that when he beat Yuki; he would be part of the family.

Yuki hissed under his breath. Why would anyone want to be part of this family? The thing Yuki yearned for was to leave this whole family behind- forget them all. And all Kyo could talk about, was being part of it. That was more than enough to piss Yuki off. Even on his best day.

Yuki closed his eyes, and this time, he definitely had heard a scream. It wasn't loud; it was barely audible to normal ears. But the Nezumi had the best hearing of the zodiac, as per the curse. He sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the futon.

He needed to sleep. Whoever was screaming was about to be shut up. Violently if necessary. Yuki stood, trying to ignore his shivering and stepped out the door. The hallway was even colder than his room, he wrapped his arms around himself and tried to warm himself up. It was nearly 2 in the morning; Yuki was surprised to see a faint light coming from the living room. He shook it off- Shigure had left the light on. Again.

Crossing the landing he briefly paused before Tohru's door. There was no sound coming from it and Yuki knew the sound came from the second floor. That ruled out Shigure. Yuki scowled, knowing who that left him with. He went to Kyo's door and lifted his foot, about to kick it open. Loudly.

Hey, you disturb the Nezumi's sleep – you suffer the consequences.

But he paused. He could hear faint whining behind the door. As in fear. As in pain. One eyebrow slightly arched, Yuki slipped the door open a crack, to see a tense Kyo staring at the ceiling. The Neko was in the shape of a ball, the blankets having been thrown to the floor. It was even colder in Kyo's room and Yuki was not surprised to see him shivering. Or was he sobbing...Nah, it was shaking. Kyo's eyes closed for a second , before turning on his side, wincing slightly. Yuki's eyebrows rose. Pain? Yuki considered for a moment whether it was worth facing the abuse Kyo would through at him. Kyo looked so .. different. His face wasn't twisted in Hate or anger, his whole body was shaking so violently it was a wonder he hadn't fallen off the futon. Yuki bit his lip. He was going in to shut the neko up. Not because he was worried.

Right.?

Another stifled scream came from Kyo. He was holding them back in his throat, and Yuki could tell if he let them loose the whole house would wake up in a second. Rolling in his eyes in Exasperation yuki stretched a hand forward and opened the door the rest of the way. Kyo's eyes took a while to flick towards him, Yuki noticed. His shaking stopped instantly, his body becoming completely rigid as his eyes narrowed and he frowned.

"Kuso... whadya want?"

Yuki leaned against the door, his face carefully hiding away any emotion. "You better shut up with all your moaning Baka. Unless you want a repeat of me beating you today..?"

**Start Flashback**

"KUSO NEZUMI" Kyo's read face was hilarious to look at (At least for Yuki) as he picked himself up out of the dirt after being thrown there . Yuki's calm face was impassive as he regarded the Neko.

"Stop being so damn selfish Baka. Tohru's been worried to death and I've had to deal with it! Can't you think about someone else for once??" Yuki easily dodged Kyo's punch. And with once carefully placed kick sent him flying into the nearest tree. Kyo struggled to get up but Yuki's punch caught him straight in the eye "You still can't beat me"

At that, Kyo leaped up, face flared red. "I WILL beat you! I will be part of the zodiac you'll s..." He was interrupted as he was grabbed by Yuki. One hand on each cheek.

Kyo froze as memories flooded his head. The violet eyes of Yuki morphed into a darker purple. The silver hair lost its color till it was black. The forest, the dirt, the trees, everything vanished. All he could see was the face of someone who was **definitely** not Yuki.

"Will you just shut up for a minute!" Yuki stopped, Shocked at how pale Kyo had gotten. He was entirely limp and his white face was enough to concern the nezumi. "Kyo.. Are you ok?"

Yuki regretted his weakness as Kyo kicked him off - violently. A trickle of blood was flowing down the side of the Neko's face - some of it on Yuki's hands. Kyo's body was still tensed, ready to fight, but his eyes were filled with... fear?

"Don't... "The softly spoken word was almost missed by the nezumi. Kyo wasn't looking at Yuki, his fists falling to his sides. Feet spread apart in the dirt, a large amount of which covered Kyo's body. His short was torn and a black eye was just beginning to emerge. Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Don't what? Tell you the truth?"

Kyo looked up again – his eyes filled with anger. He stopped forward raising a fist, but stopped. He looked Yuki straight in the eye and couldn't bring himself to do anything. Kyo abruptly turned, and ran. His feet leaving clouds of dirt as he ran towards the forest. Yuki watched him go, allowing a question to form in his mind.

What?

Kyo had never willingly run from a fight before. To him, a trained Martial arts fighter, it was the greatest dishonor. Their fight wasn't nearly as bad as ones they'd had before either.

Yuki stood; brushing himself off as Tohru came sprinting out of the house toward him,

"Ah! Sohma-–Kun... Are you alright? Where is Kyo-kun?"She huffed, obviously out of breath. Yuki glanced in the direction Kyo had left- "He had to leave. Don't worry, he'll be back. "The smirk that should have graced Yuki's features didn't appear, only the slightest, barest, nearly invisible flicker of concern that he shook away. It wouldn't do to care about the Neko.

Later that evening while they were having dinner, Kyo's hunched and tense body slammed through the house like a hurricane. Leaving destruction in his wake as he went to his room and slammed his door so loudly it shook the house.

**_End Flashback (Thank you Hana )_  
**

Yuki, leaning all his weight against the door with his arms crossed, had expected at least some kind of retort. Some swearing, yelling, maybe even springing up from his futon to try and start a fight. The one thing he wasn't expecting was compliance.

Kyo wearily and hesitantly turned his body so he was facing the wall. This side of his body was completely bruised – so he couldn't stop a wince from showing on his face. A wince that yuki saw.

"Fine" Was all he said. Yuki frowned, he hated the way the Neko got pissed so easily, but it disturbed him to see Kyo like this.

" I didn't think I hurt you that badly..."

Yuki kept the sentence filled with disdain even though (and he hated to admit it) he was getting a bit worried. Yuki's soft footsteps into the room were nearly missed by the Neko. Yuki stood by Kyo's futon - looking down at Kyo - whose eyes were squeezed shut - unwilling to look at the Nezumi.

The moonlight drifting into the room was enough for Yuki to see a dark bruise just under kyo's collarbone, showing from under his shirt.. Yuki flinched, not wanting to admit, even to himself, that he had made the bruise. When Yuki looked closer however, he realized it was a good week old, and Yuki hadn't fought with Kyo enough to bruise for a good month. Not enough to cause a bruise like that anyway. Long and thin... as if made by a...

Yuki paled. His gaze flickering to Kyo's face as the Neko tensed, noticing Yuki's presence by the gasp that had escaped the nezumi's mouth.

"Kyo."

Silence

"Kyo"

"What.."

"Where did you get that bruise on your shoulder?"

Kyo flinched. Yuki wasn't stupid, he noticed and narrowed his eyes. Silence filled for the room for what seemed like hours to the Nezumi. Yuki started feeling the cold even more in this room – or was it just the thought of what Kyo's silence meant? "Don't ignore me!"

"………Kuso Nezumi... you kicked me into a tree. Where do you think I got it?"

The words were fiery, but they lacked the usual angry tone. Kyo seemed almost... sad.

"Then why does it look like a whip mark." Yuki's words were blunt—he didn't bother playing around and he needed to know. He didn't want to start caring. He was perfectly happy hating the neko.

Kyo's flinched more violently this time, dragging his eyes up to meet Yuki's. Neither of them spoke, Pain-filled red staring into Intense violet. The silence was broken by the sound of rain hitting Kyo's window. Yuki saw Kyo's expression change into something more familiar. His eyes narrowed in anger and his mouth growled "Get out!"

Kyo's fists clenched until a small trickle of blood fell ontu the futon, his whole body tensing as Yuki rose and moved forward as if to touch him. Kyo hissed, bringing his hands up to his face and covering it, palms upon in a defensive gesture.

Yuki stared at this – unsure of how to react. _Must be the rain…_ He turned and left, closing the door quietly.

Kyo managed to relax after he was sure the rat was gone. He lay there for a long while listening to the rain.

He would never tell the Nezumi how much he reminded him of Akito. He couldn't do that. Not even to his... _worst enemy..._

* * *

**Kyo's POV**

_I hate Yuki!_

_And I _like_ hating him!_

_I wonder why?_

_You speak as though you are obligated to hate him._

_But your eyes…_

_Your eyes tell me a different story._

_They tell me…_

_That you're afraid to find out._

_Shut up! I don't want to hear it anymore!_

_I didn't mean to! It wasn't me – just leave me alone! Why won't you leave me alone??_

My eyes shot open. I glanced at the closed door, and remembered what hapanned the night before. Wincing, I struggled to my feet, threw on the first clothes that came across my path, and flung open the door.

Directly in front of me, with one hand raised as if about to knock, stood Yuki. His mouth was a thin line, but his eyes were different... almost solemn.

_It's the rat's fault! He tricked me! He __**tricked**__ me! _

A shiver flew down my body as I shoved past him.

"Fucking rat!"

My eyes darted wildly around the landing – and landed on the ladder. I scrambled up it, desperate to get away from that damn rat.

The roof was cold; the grey sky seemed to reflect how I felt.

_Two small boys, one a fiery orange-head, and the other a quiet silver. The 6-year old Kyo was sitting in the dust, arms wrapped around two drawn up knees while the young Yuki knelt beside him, eyes shining with concern. _

_"Kyo... Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why won't you look at me? He tentatively put a hand on Kyo's shoulder._

_The little Kyo flinched away, obviously holding back a flood of tears threatening to overtake him. _

"_Don't touch me." _

_Yuki's eyes filled with hurt, and even as Kyo tensed, he threw his arms around Kyo and hugged him. _

"_I won't let anything bad happen to you. I'm sorry Kyo"_

"_Sorry... Kyo… Sorry………….. Kyo..."_

"Oh **Kyo**-kun!! **I'm** so **sorry** I left you out here all by yourself! Are you alright... do you need a blanket ..."

"Eh…"

_Tohru..._

_I can't deal with her right now. I can't look at her. She's too innocent - too perfect for me to ruin. Just me being here, just me being her friend is degrading her. Whether She knows it or not. _

"Go away"

_I need to hide how I feel. If people knew –they might want to be friends. They might start to care. And there's no point to that. In less than 4 months I'll be gone forever. If I treat everyone around me like shit - no one will miss me when I'm gone. No one will be hurt._

_It doesn't matter whether I hurt. I hurt too much as it is. And not even Tohru can help me now. _

I could see her hands clutched tightly together, her knuckles white. A droplet of water landed on them and I flinched.

_Damnit! I made her fucking cry…_

Tohru stood shakily and left. I laid there for a long time, regret and sorrow filling my heart until it threatened to burst.

**

* * *

****Yuki's POV**

_T__his year I'm gunna beat that kuzo nezumi!_

_Yeah, yeah, wouldn't that be nice!_

_I've never remembered those times when we fought. I thought he was just being an ass. And all those times I thought his eyes were filled with anger; they were filled with pain weren't they. Hurt. Brief flashes of intense sorrow that I never understand because seconds later, he would have changed it into anger. I never realized before, how sad he looked, after our fights. Not sorrow about having lost either._

I opened my eyes. A drowsy blanket of sleep was still sitting in my brain. No matter what I did - it wouldn't leave.

I threw my legs over the side of the futon, my elbows on my knees, and rested my head in my hands.

_Aww… Why did I dream about Kyo? What do I care about that Baka Neko...? I don't! Right?_

Scowling, I stood,

_This ends now_

After I was dressed, I went out on the landing and stopped in front of Kyo's door. I could hear muffled movements in the room - and taking a deep breath raised my hand to knock...

Only to have the door open in front of me. Kyo's hair was mussed, his shirt not pulled down all the way and his pants so crumpled I winced for how Tohru would have to iron them. He looked at me, and that's when I noticed how panicked he looked. His eyes darting around, I could see him shiver at the sight of me there. That was enough for me to press my lips together and frown slightly.

'Fucking Rat!"

He shoved past me violently. Not as violently as he would have liked I'm sure. I watched him climb the ladder to the roof so hastily he slipped once or twice.

"Can't even climb a ladder like a normal human being" My voice tried to be disdainful. No one heard – except me. And for some reason, I felt ashamed.

_A shaking Kyo, sobbing violently into Yuki's shirt, clutching it tightly with both hands. They were both young, both small, both completely alone, and both forbidden to be friends with the other._

_Kyo raised his head to stare into Yuki's eyes. Kyo's eyes were bloodshot, tears still flowing freely. _

"_Promise me something"_

"_Anything"_

"_You'll never leave me alone"_

"_You'll never leave me"_

"_**Please**__"_

_Yuki's sad little smile was hidden by Kyo's hair. "I'll never leave you" he repeated._

* * *

**Ok – this chapter is mostly filler – but pay attention to the flashbacks! I'll explain a bit more in the next chapter. I suppose I just like teasing all youse people **

**I feel a bit better about this chapter – it just seems better written. From now on – ill probably be focusing a lot more on 1st person POV. Don't like? Tough.**

**I know you guys want to know what Shigure needs to tell them – Don't worry… I'll tell. Soon.**

**Kyo & Yuki & Tohru : Just tell already!**

**Meh : Patience - meh little fanfiction slaves**

**Also, the M rating will really kick in next chapter. It's going to be kinda graphic.**

**R&R**

**No seriously. Just do it. Review. Click teh button!**

**_: .Tenpa. :_**


	4. Don't Fall for Nothing

**Ne.. – if anyone was wondering – Italics are character thoughts & Memories/Flashbacks**

**Sorry for any confusion I might have caused . **

**BTW : Akito will be a guy until I see fit to inform the rest of the zodiac.. And yes - I have read all the manga.**

**Teh heh. **

**I love meh reviewers XP**

**Maisy: I feel kinda bad about all the cliffies I left. Don't worry! All will be explained - read on! XD .**** Review meh again! ****:pokes with stick: **

**Ulaire: Beh. XD Thank you so much! That means a lot to me! Really. :) I'll try to make it longer **_**:Hack ::Cough: Imagines spending 5 hours a night just writing one chapter :Hack:Cough:**_** XP**

**You guys'll let me know if I screw something up right? Don't leave me hanging!**

**I lovvvvve summer- I can spend a lot of time writing meaningless ficlets for all meh amazing reviewers! I love you all :Glomps unmercifully: **

**Eh……. Aaaaanyways – don't forget to review :dances: I will hand out cyberplushies if ya want. hmmm... . Review meh!!!**

**Disclaimer: Yadda Yadda Usual Crap. I'm only borrowing the cursed Sohma hotties for my own evil reasons :Smirk: **

**In this chapter I also used a couple of lines from Colors by Will.I.Am**

**Oh oh!! I almost forgot!! I got a deviantArt account! My name's still Tenpa-Neko. I've got a couple Kyo drawings up there. Go look! Go GO:bounces up and down:**

Chapter 4 _"Don't Fall for Nothing"_

* * *

Kyo's POV

* * *

_**Stand for **__**life**_

_**Stand for true**_

_**Stand for something **_

_**Don't fall for nothing**_

_All alone with no one to save you. But that doesn't mean you have to let get of your morals, right?_

_If you're sacrificing your health, your sanity, your freedom, for someone you care about. That makes it worth it, doesn't it?_

_If it's their life on the line_

_And your life is already over_

_So when I fall to the ground, having provoked Akito into a blind and spastic rage_

_I can do so with a smirk on my face_

_Knowing I'm protecting someone far more important to me than myself._

_Even if __**my god**__ hates me_

_He doesn't know_

_That it's impossible _

_For him to hate me more_

_Than I hate myself._

_**Stand for **__**love**_

_**Stand for power**_

_**Stand for something **_

_**Don't fall for nothing**_

_"You really are a _monster _aren't you?"_

"_You think that __**woman**__ can heal you"_

"_**Save**__ you"_

"_That's__** pathetic"**_

"_And if she even __**wants **__to heal you – you do know what that makes her?"_

"_A __**monster**__. Just like you"_

"_No!" The word burst from my mouth before I could restrain it. Fists clenched, throat constricted, nearly delirious in pain I glared at those mocking eyes._

_A sadistic chuckle burst from Akito's throat - it wasn't a laugh. More an outburst of emotion._

"_Of course. You _like_ her don't you?"_

_I tried – really – I tried with all my might to not let anything show on my face. Something must have slipped though – by the time I saw Akito's fist – it had connected solidly with my face._

_Staggering back, everything hurting – I could still hear him ranting._

"_You will never be saved. Never! I __**own**__ you! In 3 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days you will be mine forever. Do you honestly think that woman would even __**want**__ to remember you when you're locked away.?_

_Who would? Everyone will be so glad – they will sleep soundly in their beds knowing you are locked away in your little cage. "_

_I had staggered forward, till I was feet from him. My fist had swung forward before I realized what I was doing. He caught it in his fist – and easily flipped me onto the floor, on my back facing away from him._

_How the hell had a person who was supposed to be __**dying**__ done that??_

_He knelt beside my head. _

"_Weak. Pathetic. You will never be able to beat Yuki. I thought the monster would at least be strong."_

_A sarcastic smirk._

_I closed my eyes against him – against the room – against the pain. Everything turned into whites and blacks – I couldn't feel anything – couldn't hear anything except his insane ranting. _

_The sting of his hand across my face brought me back to my senses_

"_You still have hope monster. I can feel it."_

"_I'll change that"_

_**Stand for **__**me**_

_**Stand for **__**you**_

_**Stand for something**_

_**Don't fall for nothing**_

_A small fiery-headed boy knelt on the ground – quaking and shivering. Another – only an inch taller – and cloaked all in black robes stood before him. His raven hair was flat – like his eyes._

_The raven-head's mouth was drawn into what seemed a permanent frown. _

"_You little monster."_

"_You killed her!"_

"_And you won't shed one tear."_

_The dark-haired boy's kick sent the other sprawling, hissing in pain._

"_**I didn't kill her!"**_

"_**I didn't!"**_

"_**I'm not a monster!"**_

"_**I didn't do it!"**_

_As the taller boy lifted his hand to strike the small shivering Kyo – another boy stepped in between them._

"_**Stop**__ Akito"_

_Akito's eyebrows rose. "Why do you care"_

"_You can't do this to him. He never did anything to you"_

_Akito's still raised hand hit Yuki square in the face – but he didn't fall._

"_He __**EXISTS**__! That is more than enough!"_

"_Leave him be"_

_Akito's eyes were narrowed until they looked vaguely snake-like. His fists clenched and both other boys flinched. _

_But instead of hitting them – he turned and strode away – but not before kicking a good amount of dust in the red-head's face._

"_Kyo.."_

_Yuki bent down – extending his hand to the other boy._

_Kyo's eyes were glistening. "From the dust" He mumbled as the other boy pulled him up._

_Yuki smiled at him._

_

* * *

_

_I must have dozed off... How long have I been up here?_

_Cold... Why am I so cold?_

I cracked open one eye slightly – Only to have a drop of rain fall in it.

"**Fuck!" **The word burst from me in a fit of anger as I tried to get up. The rain made the roof very wet –

I screamed. Loudly. As the ground came zooming forward in an attempt to get to know my face better.

One thought flicked through my mind before I lost consciousness.

_I thought fucking cats were supposed to land on their fucking feet!_

Fortunately– I was found by someone before I lost too much blood

Unfortunately – It was Yuki.

* * *

Yuki's POV

* * *

That baka had vanished onto the roof for hours. What were we supposed to do? Honda-san tried calling him down - she even tried to go see him - but he'd locked the door. 

We knew that if we waited any longer we would be late - and it didn't look like there was any hope of the neko coming down.

We left for school.

_The Neko can screw up his life for all I care. I don't need to help him – he can do whatever he wants._

The school day passed so fast – people kept talking to me – I kept smiling. Why does nobody realize how cold my smile is? Does nobody look at my eyes and see that any kindness I showed them was not reflected there? All they see is Prince Yuki smiling at them and they can't bother to think anything else.

Everything I do - everything I've always done - is to please others. To make them like me - to make them accept me. Loving - living - smiling - playing - I've never done it for myself.

And then that Neko comes in. And he assumes that everything about me is perfect- everything about my life is perfect. Prince Yuki – named for snow – always perfect.

But snow gets stepped in. and the footprints that are left take a **long** time to fade.

He's free to have a life outside the Sohma estate. He's free! He has freedom! Why can't he see it? He has everything I've never had and he can't appreciate anything about it! All he wants to do is beat me - no – beat the rat.

Those kind of thoughts were making me thoroughly distracted – the day was a blur. It was only until I realized Tohru was talking to me that I snapped out of it.

"Oh I'm sorry Honda-san."

She smiled nervously at me. "Ne.. Sohma-Kun. You looked so thoughtful. Is everything alright?" Her wide brown eyes were looking at me so imploringly I had a strong urge to tell her everything. To collapse and start sobbing – right in the middle of school.

Instead I turned my head away. "Hai Honda-san. Its nothing to concern yourself with." She blinked at me and smiled again - believing me.

The bell rang. We gathered our things and marched out the doors.

"I was saying .. Ne... I have to work for several more hours today Sohma-kun. I won't be home till late and you should probably ...Ne... leave school without me."

Silence.

"Ne.. dinner is in the fridge…"

Silence

"And Shigure-san will be at the main house for a several hours"

We were outside the school now – at the intersection of our different paths.

"So you're leaving me alone with that baka?"

She gulped and hastened "Ahh! Yuki-Kun!" Her eyes widened as she bit her lip "…. If you need me to stay- I think I can call work – I'll have to go in early next week but I'm sure..."

She stopped when she noticed my laughter.

"Ne…"

"Its fine Honda-San. I was just teasing you"

"Heh…" She blushed and turned, waving a hasty hand over her shoulder. "Good-bye!"

….

I was walking in a daze. I trusted my feet to get me to Shigure's gates without getting lost - I had to - my head was too blank to even recognize where I was.

The gates were shut – I pushed them open and started up the path to Shigure's.

As I reached the steps and started climbing up - I stopped - and looked back.

There was an orange cat lying there – completely curled up in a ball. I rolled my eyes. "Baka Neko…."

I looked up at the roof – there were several loose tiles and it looked mildly wet but nothing seemed out of place. I walked over to the neko and reached out and nudged him. When he didn't move - I kicked him slightly.

"Why can't you sleep indoors like a normal person?"

When he still didn't move – the scowl on my face vanished. I knelt down beside him and poked him.

_Why isn't he moving! What's he done now!_

Sighing – I reached down to pick him and hold him in my arms. He seemed hotter than normal and somewhat wet. I raised an eyebrow and went to climb the stairs before I looked back at where he had been.

The ground was a damp circle of bright red blood.

"Ne..." I had to try hard to restrain my gag reflex. I **hated** blood. I couldn't even get a paper cut without feeling dizzy and sick.

It took a couple of seconds for me to connect the blood with the completely knocked out cat lying in my arms.

As realization hit, my eyes opened wide and I forget my aversion to blood. I rushed inside – banging the door open with my shoulder leaving a large rip in it.

Poor Shigure.

I ran to the couch and laid the unconscious cat on it before rushing to the kitchen. My feet seemed to be running faster than my body – and I slipped on the floor. I flew across the floor and banged my head very hard on the table - sending a searing pain through my head. The phone flew off the table and fell onto my head - this time I was nearly blinded with the pain.

_Calm down Yuki! Its just the Neko.. Why do you care anyway?_

I reached out and pulled the phone onto my lap.

I dialed the main house and stuck the phone up to my ear.

"Get Hatori."

"Who is this?"

"JUST FUCKING DO IT"

Silence

"Hello?"

"Hatori – Kami-san – You've got to get over here. Kyo is .. ...Ne ... I don't know! But he's unconscious and there's blood everywhere and .. ...Ne.."

Hatori was obviously shocked at Yuki's loss of composure.

"Calm down yuki. I'll be right over but right now **YUKI are you listening?** Its very important for you to keep calm so you don't trigger another atta-"

**Click**

I slammed the phone down and got to my feet. My head was still dizzy- but it wasn't too hard for me to walk back over to the couch.

_I hate this! I hate being so goddamn useless!_

Kyo's eyes were tight shut- his breathing ragged and harsh – but at least it was there.

I stared at him – his face was the only thing I saw as everything went white. I could feel my knees falling to the floor – I couldn't breath. Everything was white, stars exploding, – and then ... nothing.

* * *

_Hatori kneeling on the floor next to a silent Yuki. Yuki's small frail body was shivering - his hair covering his eyes. _

_Hatori's eyes were full of sadness. "I'm sorry Yuki. ...Nobody so ...young should have to go through this..."_

_He sighed and reached out a hand to touch Yuki's forehead. _

_The cool touch made Yuki gasp but after a second – he reeled back - falling onto the floor in a faint. _

_The 7-year old was too young to have feel this The dragon sighed – his glistening eyes blinking rapidly. Hatori never cried._

* * *

Kyo's POV

* * *

_God fucking Damnit._

_Fucking hell_

_Everything fucking hurts._

_Why the fuck does everything fucking hurt??_

In all the movies – when the patient wakes up form his faint – he flutters his eyes open and instantly recognizes everyone around him. They don't show that its like bench pressing 500 pounds just getting your eyes open.

_Ok. They're open._

_**WHO THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE!**_

_Wait.. oh.. That's Hatori. And that's Shigure. And that's Yuki._

I had some vague memory of Yuki picking me up and bringing me inside. I sighed to myself.

_Great. Saved by the rat._

Perfect. I had opened my eyes in the middle of Shigure's ranting.

"... and you never visit Ha'ri!! The only time you come to visit is when our Yuki beats Kyo to a pulp! What about me? Do I have to get beaten up to warrant a visit!" All this accompanied with a theatrical sniff and sighing.

"I didn't beat him up" Yuki sounded like he'd had to repeat this countless times.

Shigure nudged him and winked dramatically. "Of Coooooouuurrsseee you didn't"

"Shigure"

"Ha'ri?"

"Shut up."

Hatori looked at me – I closed my eyes rapidly – but it was too late. He had seen them. I felt cold hands touching my face and I twitched.

"Yup. He's awake, Trying to pretend he's still out"

"Always making trouble.." Yuki's cold voice cut me.

_You little Shit!_

_You're Worthless!_

_All you can do is make trouble for everyone around you!_

I twitched – trying to shake away the memories. Hatori was shining something onto the lids of my eyes – I opened them reluctantly and looked at the light.

"He'll be fine."

Hatori turned to look at Yuki. ' I told you not to get so worked up about it. We're lucky your attack wasn't that serious."

My eyebrows lifted.

_Yuki? The ice prince? Worked up?_

A faint tinge of color appeared in Yuki's cheeks even as he scowled and looked away.

While I was watching yuki, I had failed to notice Shigure creep up behind me and throw his arms around my neck.

"We were all SOO worried Kyonkichi! I thank Kami-San you are alive and well my beloved little neko!" He ruffled my hair, I shrieked and clawed at his hands

"Ya perve! Get the **HELL** offa me!!"

"So loud.." Yuki shook his head disdainfully.

Shigure had gotten of me and I turned to scowl at Yuki. "What is it now RAT?? Do ya wanna fight??"

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Even if I did – it wouldn't change anything. You would still lose."

I hissed. If I'd been in cat form my fur would have been sticking straight out and my ears plastered to my head. My fists clenched - I tried to stand . Only to have my legs collapse under me.

"Pathetic.."

I growled weakly. Hatori and Shigure stepped forward to help me up but I hissed.

"I can get up by myself ya know!"

'Of course.."

I threw myself onto the couch – wincing.

Hatori sighed " You're going to have to change your bandages every day."

I twitched. "Bandages?"

"Idiot." yuki's sarcastic voice echoed through the room.

"You fell from the roof – you're going to have bandages."

I scowled at him.

For some reason – Hatori's usually impassive face was set in a sad frown. When I looked directly at him - it vanished.

I shook my head violently trying to clear it.

"What now neko? Got fleas?"

"THAT"S IT!" I moved to get up but before I could the dog and the dragon were behind me forcing me down.

"Don't aggravate your wounds"

I scowled.

* * *

Yuki's POV

* * *

It was later in the day. The sun was setting , throwing pink light over the sleeping body collapsed on the futon in the middle of the room. Everything was thrown around- papers littering the desk and clothes covering most of the floor. The window was open – throwing cold air into the room. 

I stepped into the room and carefully avoided all the stuff on the floor.

I looked down at the sleeping neko. he looked so peaceful. I leaned down and shook him.

"Hey"

He didn't move. I rolled my eyes and shook him again. He stirred slightly.

"I've gotta change your bandages."

Kyo's sleep filled eyes snapped open as his hackles rose "What? Why you! Why can't I do it?"

"Its on your back idiot"

"Humph.."

He sat up, rubbing the back of his neck sleepily. His eyes were still closed as he shivered suddenly.

"What?"

"Its cold."

He stretched slightly - wincing. I rolled my eyes at him. "hurry up. **Some** people have better things to do than change your stupid bandages.

He scowled at me before shrugging out of his shirt. He stayed with his back toward the wall however, as I looked at him - confused.

The wound I had seen only the other day was completely vanished – nothing but new pink skin was there to mark the spot.

He was looking at the floor.

"Turn around. I can't change your bandages unless you do."

"Why isn't Hatori doing it?"

"He had to tend to Akito"

He flinched slightly and looking away before grumbling "Fine.. "

He turned his back to me. It was covered in large white gauze. I reached forward - and using both hands- slowly peeled the bandages off.

It was covered in bruised and large angry cuts – but that's not what interested me. In the middle of his back - all the way down the middle, was a long snake like mark. it was red and angry and the skin around it was black and burned. Whenever the neko moved, the mark moved - stretching the skin.

"Wha-"

"Are you going to change them or not?"

I swallowed my questions and proceeded to throw out the old bandages before carefully replacing them with crisp new ones.

When everything was cleanly wrapped I stepped back – observing my handiwork.

"Right. Thanks" Kyo mumbled somewhere in my direction.

"Yeah... Kyo?"

He raised an eyebrow to look at me. We both knew what I was thinking – what I was going to ask. It was no use pretending anymore. I was too familiar with whip marks to not recognize it and he knew that.

When he hadn't answered I went on.

"Why didn't Hatori say anything?"

"He already knew."

"Why hadn't he treated it?"

"He was forbidden."

"Wha-?"

"Its fine. It heals anyway."

Kyo's eyes were trained very steadily on the floor not even noticing when I went and stood right over him.

"Why did he do it?"

Silence

"Hey!"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb." I resisted the obvious taunt that was on the tip of my tongue.

His eyes looked up, glaring at me until I looked away from him.

"Get out."

"No.'

"**Get. Out**.'

"Why." Yuki's voice was completely emotionless.

"GET THE **FUCK** OUT BEFORE I KICK YOUR GIRLY ASS OUT OF HERE MYSELF!"

* * *

3rd POV

* * *

"**KYO!! PHONE**" 

…..

"**KYO GET THE PHONE!!"**

"**KYONKICHI GET THE PHONE BEFORE I - "**

"**I'M COMING GOD DAMNIT!"**

The phone was snatched out of Shigure's hand by one very mussed looking Neko.

"What?" he screeched into the phone.

"_Shigure forgot to send you to me."_

Kyo's breath hitched and his eyes darted around the kitchen – taking in Yuki and Tohru (Returned from work) sitting at the table staring at him.

"Ne..."

"_I shall expect you at 8 o'clock?" _A statement – not a question. Offering no possibility of noncompliance.

Kyo glanced at Shigure- praying for him to give him an excuse to say no. Shigure's sad expression showed Kyo he had no choice.

"Yea.."

**Click**

Kyo blinked confusedly at the dial tone emitting from the phone. He could still hear the cold voice of Akito chilling his ears.

His gaze flicked to Shigure as he coughed loudly.

'Kyo- Kun… Akito wanted me to tell you something a while ago but I ...Ne..." He swallowed a little, his nervousness obviously upsetting Tohru-kun. "I put it off."

Yuki rose and extended a hand to Tohru. "We should leave then."

Shigure shook his head. "No – this involves you too."

Yuki raised his eyebrows – refusing to look at Kyo.

Shigure coughed confusedly – and sat down at the table- motioning for Kyo to do the same.

"Yea?"

Kyo looked at the clock. It was 7:25. He needed to leave soon.

"Hurry up for god's sake."

Shigure grit his teeth and stared fixedly at the wall, breath coming faster than normal. The other occupants of the house were troubled by the inu's movements - Tohru more than the others. Her fists were clenched as her heart told her to help them but her head told her not to interfere.

'Akito has been getting worse and worse. he.." Shigure took a deep breath.

"Why should we care?" Yuki growled. Shigure raised his hands, "Please. Let me finish." Yuki raised his eyebrows at the inu completely out of character behavior.

This _was_ serious

"He had a fit one day." He continued "He was talking about how everyone was against him and that Kyo.. Kyo would escape him. He said.. he said that either he would tell Hatori to erase Tohru-kun's memories…" Tohru gasped and Yuki opened his mouth to protest but Shigure raised a hand.

"Or Kyo goes in the Neko's house now. And the deal is off."

Kyo's face blanched as his teeth clenched. Yuki's and Tohru's faces were confused. Yuki's eyes were narrowed as he regarded the inu and the neko in turn.

"Neko's house?" Tohru's and Yuki's thoughts combined

**Kyo has his own house?**

Kyo looked at Shigure – straight in the eye so the inu could see that no regret clouded the neko's eyes.

"Fine."

"What – just like that?"

"Look at Tohru, Shigure-Sensei." Yuki frowned, Since when did the Neko call the inu that?

Shigure looked at the girl's trembling form. She didn't understand what was going on but her too-innocent eyes were glistening with tears and her arms were clenched to her sides.

"You can't lose her. She's …" Kyo choked slightly on the word. "**Hope**. And you need that more than I need.." He gulped.

"Freedom."

With his head staring straight ahead – his body stiff and proud – he climbed the stairs to his room.

Yuki raised an eyebrow inspite of the supposed solemness of the occasion. _What's the big deal? Its not like he's dying or anyithing. He gets his own house - its probably on Sohma grounds. _

_But not even Kyo would make such a big deal over something so meaningless._

Shigure bowed his head in respect toward the neko for several second. Tohru and Yuki looked even more disturbed at that.

No one talked until Kyo emerged some minutes later carrying some few of his possessions.

As he walked toward the door he looked back at everyone still seated at the table. Tohru's eyes were wide – her trembling body being supported by Yuki.

_Don't worry about me. Don't ever think of me. Forget me._

_Just – be happy. _

_Smile. Live your life._

_Don't hurt yourself with aching memories._

Kyo threw a fake smile in Tohru's direction – one that Yuki easily recognized as one of his own. The neko glanced at Shigure. The inu's eyes were worried, his hands supporting his face weakly. When Kyo's gaze shifted to Yuki - his face looked sad. Sad - and lonely. But then it changed into solemn determination. He turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

Yuki looked at Shigure. "What's wrong with you? You're acting like you'll never see him again."

Shigure sad smile chilled Yuki to the bone.

_**Stand for something**_

_**Don't fall for nothing**_

* * *

**Tenpa's Little Japanese dictionary**

_**Hai : Yes**_

_**Baka : Idiot**_

_**Neko : Cat**_

_**Inu : Dog**_

_**Nezumi : Rat**_

_**Kuso : Damn (Technically it means Shit but whatever. I'm not picky)**_

_**Kami : God**_

_**Ne… : Um… or something along those lines. Get it? **_

**Did I miss any?**

**Oh and if any of youse peoples actually ****need**** that – well... o.0… :Hits with Dictionary: **

… '**nuff said**

**Kyo : YOU FUCKING LOCKED ME UP YOU CRAZY BITCH**

**Meh :Hits with VERY heavy backpack: Shuddup you**

**So yea.. SORRY Next chapter will be the one with graphic scenes. SORRY PEOPLES If I CONFUSED YOUSE**

**:pokes Ritsu: Apologize to them for me**

**SHE IS SO SORRY THAT SHE DISGRACED ALL YOU WONDERFUL READERS WITH HER HORRIBLE RAMBLING ON AND ON ABOUT TOTAL CRAP THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE AT ALL AND IS COMPLETELY RANDOM AND BORING AND BADLY WRITTEN AND - !!!!**

**Meh : 'k .. Shut up now**

**Kyo & Yuki : 'bout time**

**Meh :Scowl: **

**I hope that answered some of your questions. **

**Review meh people! I still have to decide what I'm going to do to Kyo….**

**Kyo :Gulp:**

**Yuki :Smirk:**

**Meh : Ya better watch your back Yuki. I'm coming after you next :evil grin:**

**Kyo : Hah!**

**Hmmm… I need suggestions wether to make this story a YukixKyo Yaoi or not. if I don't get suggestions - i won't make it Yaoi.**

**REVIEW MEH OR DIE :pokes readers with stick:**

_**: .Tenpa. :**_


	5. Neko Gone

**So... here I am everyone! Tenpa-Neko reporting for duty with Chapter 5! **

**It took **_**sooo**_** long to finish this Chappi. Writers block has been **_**murder **_**:Scowl:**

**:Cough: Sorry for my OBSCENLY long Author's notes: cough:**

**I love my reviewers so much: Glomps:**

**This Chapter: Angst...Yuki questioning himself...Angst…. Tohru Tears (Beh . )... Angst… More Tohru Tears… oh and did I mention the angst? XD**

**BTW: There are a lot of Kyoyuki stories where Yuki becomes friends with Kyo after like 1 chapter – I personally think Yuki would take a lot more time to accept the Neko to the point of friendship. So if anyone thinks this is taking a long time – that's why. Also I don't have a beta so I have to do all my own. If you want to be my beta :Bats eyelashes: send me a message.**

**I'm trying to write a YukiKyo oneshot right? NO SANE PERSON PUTS ANGST IN A ONESHOT!!**

**WTF is wrong with me???**

**Disclaimer: I think we all know by know who owns furuba... . I mean – if I owned it a horrible accident would happen to Tohru involving Akito and a pick axe and Kagura, upon realizing that Kyo likes guys, would fall into a deep depression before committing suicide. Meh? An Anime-girl hater on principal?**

**Never.. **

Chapter 5 _'Neko Gone'_

* * *

_From the Beginning I'd always felt Like I was born to be hated._

_That I was only alive to __**hurt**__ people. _

_The only people I've been close to I've hurt. And now - I've hurt Tohru. _

_I don't want to be the cause of her tears. I don't want her to be sad. She should be happy. Someone so happy, so perfect, should not waste her time crying over the monster._

_So, in a way, this is for the best. If I stayed any longer – I would have only hurt Tohru more by deluding her into thinking we were going to university together. _

_The monster can never go to university. The monster only __**lives**__ to be 18. Then they are never seen again._

_I should never have met Tohru. She should never have known me. I don't want her to be sad. She shouldn't cry - not over __**me.**_

_Yuki won't cry. Yuki won't care. Yuki will be happy knowing I'll never bother him again. I couldn't beat him. I've trained for longer - we even trained together for a while - and I still can't beat him. _

_Pathetic._

_Useless._

_Pointless._

_I won't hurt anyone anymore. I won't cause any more pain in the world. Me? I'll be in pain. Alone. But t__hat doesn't matter. The __**monster**__ can live and die alone if it means sparing people some pain._

* * *

Yuki's POV

* * *

_Now, is this sort of situation, there is only one question that needs to be asked._

…_**.What….**_

…_**..The….**_

…_**..Hell?**_

The room is so quiet. The house is totally lifeless, knowing that the vibrant and alive Kyo isn't there. The wind picks up, blowing the door open, and there's still a long gash in it from when I'd slammed it open only today.

_Is he really... gone?_

_Is it true?_

_Is he never coming back?_

Shigure had leaned his head into his hands, and we couldn't see his expression. Didn't want to. Tohru's eyes were wide in shock - her arms were hugging herself. I couldn't help but smile the tiniest bit. She had no idea what was going and she was still worrying herself silly.

"Honda-san..." I heard my voice say. Since when had it become so hoarse?

"It's probably nothing. He's just blowing things out of proportion." I smiled reassuringly at her and looked at Shigure for help who by this time had taken his head out of his hands.

When I saw the expression on his face, it seemed like every voice inside my head telling me not to worry, had shut up. His eyes were bloodshot - he wasn't crying, but he couldn't help sniffing.

Shigure – the ever cheerful, ever perverted, ever **annoying** – Inu, is not someone who shows his sadness that easily. He spends a lot of time with Akito after all, and Akito punishes you for showing your weaknesses.

My eyes narrowed at him before turning back to Honda-san.

"Why don't you call your friends, Honda-san, and spend the night there for tonight" She raised tear-filled eyes up at me before biting her lip and nodding. I watched her retreating form and couldn't help feeling a tinge of loneliness - but I didn't want to risk her bursting into tears in the middle of my questioning.

Shigure must have sensed I wanted to talk to him - he didn't leave. I could only hear him sigh dejectedly as thunder rumbled outside. A bolt of lightening flashed through the sky as I thought of Kyo walking to **wherever **he was going.

_He hates the rain..._

I brought a hand up to my forehead, scrunching my eyes in confusion. Shigure coughed loudly behind me. I frowned at the door.

"Well?"

One word was all it took – one word full of so much emotion – so much sadness - so much confusion.

"Yuki...what…"

I swirled around in my chair, throwing him a scowl worthy of Kyo.

"You know what I'm asking! Answer the Goddamn question!"

Shigure's usual grin flashed at me, throwing me off balance.

"Now now Yuki-kun.. Calm your little self! "

I looked down, fighting to hide my anger behind a wall of supreme indifference. I stood, and made my way to the door, trying to burst past him, but not before turning to stare him in the face.

"If you're going to act like that – I'm leaving" I turned to leave again, but felt a pressure on the elbow of my shirt. I glanced back to see Shigure holding my shirt with a dejected look on his face.

"Sorry. Sit down." His eyes were cold as they looked at me - he seemed to have lost both the sad and the annoying face he'd had just a second ago. I raised my head to look down at him, biting my tongue to keep myself from loosing control and doing something that I'd regret. Silently, I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter behind me – ignoring his raised eyebrow.

_The pain.. the immense sadness. Droplets of rain hitting my skin – making me shiver unconsciously. The terrible loneliness - all I can feel. _

_**Where **__**the hell**__** did that come from?**_

Shigure must have seen the panicked and confused look in my eyes for he shifted uncomfortably and gulped.

_**Those were not my feelings!**_

_Great. Just __**great. **_I turned my attention to the problem at hand.

Shigure seemed to gain some resolve. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, one hand drumming the table the other supporting his head.

"I know you want answers Yuki. It's only natural." I raised an eyebrow expectantly but he remained silent. He seemed to be waiting for something, I nodded stiffly.

"But I think Kyo himself needs to tell you." I shrugged.

"Sure."

"We'll go tomorrow." Shigure remarked, more to himself than to me. I opened my mouth, confused, but before I could voice any of the millions of questions tumbling around in my head I heard Tohru.

"What would you like for dinner?" Her smile, no longer carefree, still lit up the room as she looked from Shigure to me and then back again. I tilted my head in Tohru's direction, staring Shigure in the face with a question in my eyes. Tohru didn't notice Shigure's barely noticeable shake of the head.

* * *

Kyo's POV

* * *

_It's so cold. When did it start raining? Why didn't I notice? _

I neared the Sohma gates - two guards were standing duty. They had standing orders to let any all Zodiac members through. I wasn't one of them, so I could only guess that Akito had specifically told them to let me through.

I passed through them.

I'd never leave them again.

The path to the Neko's house was dirt and rubble, no footprints on it save for those of Akito, a guard, and the past Neko's who were locked up.

The house itself was small, barely 10X10. The door was ominous, mocking me the same way Akito's eyes did. Nearing it, I stood in front of the door.

_I could run. I could escape. I could live._

… _Akito would just take out his anger on Tohru. Or Yuki. _

I shivered

_Why am I doing this?_

_Tohru… _Her smile haunted me, knowing that I would never see it again.

I turned, taking in the rain falling over the Sohma grounds. Now that I looked, at every window of every house was someone standing there- watching. Mothers clutched their children, brothers hugged their sisters, everyone was watching. Silently.

Akito's window was open. He had draped himself over the sill, one hand trailing down. The other was supporting his head as he watched the Neko. The cold eyes weren't mocking - weren't cynical. They were... happy. Akito. Akito's eyes were smiling at me. A cold smile.

The door swung open with a clang as a guard opened it for me.

I took one last look at the trees, the ground. I breathed one last fresh breath, looked at the sky for the last time. Felt the rain on my skin.

_**I want to burn it into my memory.**_

_**And then forget it all...**_

* * *

Shigure's POV

* * *

It was dark outside the window. The dark-haired figure was draped across my lap, head resting on my left shoulder, hands tangled in my hair. The room was gloomy, the only light was the shape of the window in the moonlight cast on the wood floor. 

I looked down at the figure's eyes. They were hard and cold, contemplating my hair that was twisting through his fingers.

"_Why.. are you here Shigure?"_

I smirked at him. "Why do I need a reason to see you - Akito?"

His eyes narrowed as he looked up at me. _"Don't lie to me. You only come here when you want something."_

I feigned hurt. "Is it so hard to believe I want **you**?"

He pushed himself off of me – staring straight at me. He leant his entire weight (Which wasn't much) on the hands that were leaning on my chest. I suppressed a wince as my ribs complained. I could see through his eyes – immense hatred. But there was fear too. I smirked to myself.

"_Yes."_

I raised an eyebrow and reached out, pulling him back to me, Breathing in his hair.

"_Get it over with then."_

I sighed dramatically. "If you insist…" I could sense rather than see his eyes roll.

I paused for a moment before plowing ahead."Yuki has shown a desire to visit Kyo. It would be very generous of you to grant him this one –" Akito had pushed himself off of me again, this time getting off completely – retreating several feet back. His eyes were challenging, his fists clenched till the knuckled were white. His breathing had become so labored, so fast, that I was tempted to call Hatori.

"_He wants to see that … that __**monster**__?? Why??"_

I shrugged. "There were bound to be questions. We anticipated that." I felt the sharp sting of metal across my face. The picture that used to hang on the wall behind Akito had obviously been wrenched out and thrown at me. I felt the gentle drip of blood falling down my face.

"_**That thing is gone! Vanished! It no longer exists! How can Yuki see something that doesn't exist anymore!!???"**_

His ranting pierced my ears as his voice gradually got even shriller. I grimly wiped away the blood before replying. "Yuki won't let this go until he gets answers."

"_**Yuki will see that.. MONSTER and yet doesn't deem it necessary to visit **__**me**__**???"**_

"You **know** Hatori said you were unfit to be visited by anyone other than Kureno and me."

His hiss of displeasure reverberated throughout the room. A displeased silence fell - I refused to break it first. I knew from experience that if you pressed the right buttons on Akito you could make him do whatever you wanted.

"_You know I only do this for you Shigure."_

The corners of my mouth twitched in the smirk I was desperate to suppress.

"I know"

* * *

3rd POV

* * *

Shigure had vanished later that night, sheepishly muttering something about errands. Tohru and Yuki were left sitting on the couch, her on one end, him on the other. Her hands were clutched tightly in her lap. Yuki shot a concerned glance her way every once in while. She was staring fixedly at the T.V even though he had turned it off several minutes ago. She was waiting for Arisa and Hana to pick her up - it was late - but they hadn't minded. 

They were just glad to help her.

That sort of friendship made Yuki's heart pang.

Yuki could tell she was waiting for that door to open, then to slam. Then to hear pounding footsteps stomping up the stairs and muttered curses. Maybe even hear a growled greeting. He didn't have the heart to tell her he strongly suspected that wasn't going to happen.

His eyes drifted off toward the window – it was dark by now. The rain had stopped only minutes before.

"_Where is the inu.. What sane person runs errands in the middle of the night?"_

His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet, almost unheard hiccup from the other side of the couch. He looked at her, Startled, to see tears silently coursing down her cheeks. He cursed himself under his breath for not noticing, moving over to her side.

"Honda-san.. I'm sure its fine.." Her chocolate eyes looked up at him trembling with yet unfallen tears. He didn't have the heart to tell her what he really thought. Yuki's eyes widened as he saw the panicked expression she had, only to disappear in a mound of clothes.

She had thrown herself at him - now sobbing uncontrollably clutching his tiny body to her cheek. Yuki reached out a tiny paw to pat her cheek and she smiled dimly through her sobs. Her face was blissfully smooth for a couple seconds before her brow furrowed in concern.

"Oh Sohma-kun! I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have… oh… I'm so clumsy." She blushed and fiddled around, settling him down on top of her knee.

At that moment two things happened.

**POOF**

A cloud of smoke enveloped the rat, leaving him sitting there naked. ... In Tohru's lap. A rich chortle sounded from the doorway.

"I knew it! Teen love – blossoming in tragic times! Oh the sadness! Oh the love!!! How I have wished for this day! To see my little flowers ultimate and tragic deflowering.. Oh the sweetness of young love! Oh the -" Shigure was interrupted by a very mad very **Naked **Yuki's punch to his jaw, sending him flying straight through the nearest door.

"Oh the Pain.,,"

Tohru's confused twittering immediately started – her entire face a bright red as she stood in the corner of the room - afraid to turn around.

"Oh Yuki! How it pains me to see you react so cruelly to me! Your mentor! Your guide! Your help! I shall teach you all you need to know about the beautiful female body! I shall aid you! Aaya too!" Yuki's livid face stood over him.

"**EHHH?????!!!!**!" Tohru shrieked in her corner and at the same time Yuki yelled "**PERVERT!**!"

The door slammed open, revealing an impassive Hana and a gaping Uo. Yuki blushed at his state of undress.

Shigure smirked. "This reminds me of that time with Hatori when we went to the girl's show-" Arisa and Yuki's voices sounded so alike in that moment.

**"DON"T GO THERE!"**

…

_And just like that, it felt like any other night._

_Any other cold rainy night stuck in the house with a perverted dog, a panicking rice ball, an irritated rat and…..._

_and..._

_and a moody... neko?  
..._

_He remembered thinking.. not so long ago… how he barely worried about Kyo's moods anymore._

_There was the violent one._

_There was the 'Leave me alone or I'll bite your fucking head off' one_

_There was the 'I'm going to beat the crap out of Yuki or die doing it' one_

_There was the 'I'm going to worry Tohru now' one_

_There was the 'I'm going to think about bad memories but __**definitely**__ not cry' one_

_And the slightly worrying homicidal one. _

_  
..._

_When was it.. that Yuki started paying attention to his moods?_

_Why did it happen - that the rat missed the cat whenever he was sulking?_

_When did it start - that Yuki was worried whenever the Neko was depressed?_

_How did it happen – that the Nezumi started holding back in their fights?_

_Why did it feel – like memories were bursting through the surface of the past into the present?_

_When did he start to think – like Kyo was fighting him out of something more than spite?_

_When did he begin to feel – that Kyo desperately wanted Yuki to hold out his hand to him?_

_When did he begin to feel – that he wanted to?_

_When did he begin.._

_begin..._

_**Begin to care?**_

* * *

**Sorry this Chappi is shorter- it just seems the perfect place to end. ****That and its midnight and I'm about to fall asleep on my keyboard. . **

**As for the Yaoi decision – I am leaning toward making it Yaoi. It's not like I could make this chapter Yaoi anyway since Kyo is LOCKED UP. I would make it Yaoi without a second thought if I didn't think most of my reviewers would band together, horribly murder me, and dump my body off a bridge into the bay. . **

**: Cough: I know someone who would looove to do that**

**Kyo:Whistles:**

**Anyways – don't worry – the next one will be sufficiently Angsty and fluffy for all your needs. :smirk:**

**Kyo & Yuki :Gulp:**

**Meh : Teh heh .**

**Review meh or my imagination might just make up even more violent things to happen to Kyo**

**Kyo : EHHHHH?????**

**Meh : You'll all see...**

Please point out any typos to meh. Thankies

**REVIEW MEH OR DIE. :Pokes with electric cattle prod: I"M SERIOUS THIS TIME -.-**

_**: .Tenpa. :**_


	6. I Never Knew

**Writer's block is a terrible disease. 'dun harass meh 'bout it - MmK?**

**I LOVE MEH REVIEWERS:Glomps madly:**

**Teh heh. MmK here we go…… :drum roll:**

**mousecat :**** So many question... twitch so many answers... No really.. SO many answers . **

**Maisy ****: OMFG I LOVE YOU!!! I do! I do want ya to be meh beta!!! Purty please???!!! Do ya have an email or sumting…? … Since when am I an anime-girl hater:cough:hack: coughing fit: XD**

**Lampshadesrgreat**** : Thank you for seeing the connection between them:yells at other readers **_**Did I really make it that hard to understand..?:**_** Heh. Thank you sooo much :glomps: hmmm – deep. I like that. Keep saying things like that XP**

**Rika100**** : I know… sad huh? I ask myself that same question every day. :pokes with stick: I like you! Keep reviewing meh!! Or I might just 'sic black haru on ya.**

**Black Haru : Whadya say BITCH?**

**Meh :cough: nutin'…**

**AMM**** :huggles: Thank ya soo much :gives giant cookie:**

**And thanks to talnbaby, AoiYume-Sama, & domini4eva.**

**Teh heh. I LOVE YOU All!**

**And nowwwwww…….. On to the show!! The depressing, angsty, violent, deep :winks at lampshadesrgreat:, Yaoi filled (Yes! Yaoi filled) show. **

**:Coughing fit:**

**(I want to dedicate this chapter to ****Maisy**** because she is suuuuch an awesome reviewer, has been there from the beginning, and will hopefully be meh beta :squee: Thankies Maisy!!)**

_Chapter 6 "I never knew ... Part 1"_

* * *

_**Is that all we do? Run away?**_

_**IS THAT ALL WE DO?**_

_**Well I, for one, am tired of running!**_

_You said that to me – it seems so long ago now. So far away .. But did you really mean it?_

_How could you have._

_Us Sohma's - we need to run as fast and as far away as we can, never stopping for the rest of our lives. Simply to escape before our painful pasts catch up with us. _

_All of us – every Sohma. We all have painful bruises in our past. And when we touch them – it hurts. If only we could escape them – escape this – escape everything…_

_But we can't. We aren't strong enough. Physically - anyone of us could bust any guy's ass anytime. But Emotionally...mentally... we are so very weak... scared... and alone. That's a strong bond – it holds us together. Closer than blood – its spirit. But there are still barriers separating us. And until those barriers are gone – none of us will be able to break free of this curse._

_Nobody can understand how I feel. Nobody – not even any one from the jyunishi. For all the others - they only have the one curse. None of them have bothered to find out about the neko. None of them have tried to find out anything about us! They have the one curse and think they have suffered so much! _

_The Neko's triple curse would send them all to their knees. _

_None of them have bothered to find out why I'm always angry. None of them have bothered to find out what I have to deal with! I wish they would all just die! JUST DIE! LEAVE ME ALONE!_

……_For so long – I've wished to be alone. Somewhere nobody and nothing would bother me._

_But now that I have that… I realize it's not what I wanted. _

_I'll never admit it .. but….. I didn't want anyone to yell at me anymore.. I don't want to be mocked.. or blamed. I wanted to be able to talk to other people without them getting pissed off. I wanted them to c… care about me. I wanted them to worry when I was upset! I wanted them to be there for me when I was sad – and angry – and hopeless…. I … I wanted them to give me hope! _

_I wanted…_

_I wanted them to….._

_**I wanted them to be my friends**_

* * *

Yuki's POV

* * *

_Baka Neko._

_Making everyone worry about him._

I cracked one eye open slightly, and sighed. One of my hands mussed my hair as I glared at the ceiling. I'd been twisting and kicking all night long. It seemed unlikely that I would **ever** get to sleep.

_Making everyone worry about him._

_Does that include me?_

A sudden chill flew through the room, making me shiver, despite how warm it was outside. I reached down, pulling the blankets back onto me. I smiled at the sudden warmth –closing my eyes.

_Ne…_

_Maybe I'll be able to sleep after all._

* * *

_A miniscule Kyo – filled with just as much anger and violent rage as the older version – stood in the dirt. He was in fighting stance; feet apart, clenched fists raised, teeth clenched so hard it was a wonder he wasn't wincing in pain. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, hissed breaths erupting through his gritted teeth. His eyes were narrowed in rage– and yet a hint of some other emotion was flickering behind them in the red depths._

_A completely impassive Nezumi stood before him – turned slightly away – arms crossed across his chest. He lazily stretched out one arm to examine the nails on his hand. He didn't bother to stifle his yawn._

"_Damnit Yuki! What's your problem?"_

"_Nothing…. except that a certain __**someone**__ is wasting my life by talking to me."_

_Kyo jerked his head down, staring at the ground for several second before drawing a hasty breath and looking up at Yuki._

"_So what? Suddenly you're ashamed we're friends?"_

_Yuki didn't move, he was still staring at his hand. He lazily tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. _

"_Since when were we..." - He said the word like a curse - "__**friends**__?"_

_Kyo's face dropped all the anger it had held to show shock… and sadness. Was it just the Nezumi – or were Kyo's eyes suddenly shiny?_

_The Neko turned and ran._

_From Yuki – from everyone._

_Literally._

_And figuratively…_

* * *

I yawned, stretching myself out on whatever it is I was lying on. I lazily opened my eyes, wincing slightly at the bright sunlight poring in through the.. 

_What's that thing called…._

_Hole in the wall kinda thing…_

_Win something_

I rolled my shoulders, putting a hand on my neck and stretching my arm. I sat up, throwing my legs over the side of the flat soft thing I was on.

_Hmm…_

_Futon?_

I got up, my legs nearly giving out under me trying to support my weight. I scowled down at them before stepping over to the door.

_Ehh…_

_Feels like I'm missing something._

_..Damn clothes._

* * *

3rd POV

* * *

Yuki plodded into the empty kitchen. His hair was uncombed, he had pulled on his shirt backwards, had grabbed the first random pair of pants in his path, and his feet seemed to not want to listen to him. He stopped when he stood in front of the table. The refrigerator was closed. He didn't doubt there was a milk carton in there. A milk carton that no else in this house drank anymore. He sighed, pushing his hair out of his eyes before padding over to the nearest chair and sitting down. 

He put his head on the table , enjoying how cold it felt. He closed his eyes - feeling himself drifting off..

"**Good Morning Yuki-kun**!" He jolted up, looking to the door in surprise.

"Ah.. Honda-san.. You're back ..." She nodded cheerfully - all worry from the previous day _supposedly_ gone - trotting over next to him. She flashed him a huge smile and drew out the chair next to him before sitting on her knees on it. He groaned inwardly, _No one can be that awake in the morning…._

"Do you know where Shigure-san is?" She laid a hand on his arm. Yuki jumped slightly, holding back the reflex to push her away. After a couple seconds he realized she was waiting for an answer, he shrugged.

"You know him. Writers have bizarre sleeping habits."

"Heh.." She blushed slightly, removing her hand. He missed the contact.

"If I may ask.. What is Yuki-kun doing up so early?" Yuki raised an eyebrow, looking at the clock on the wall.

"It's 1 o'clock Honda-san"

"EH??" She shrieked, jumping up. She flew around, her hair flying this way and that as she started preparing lunch. At least, that's what Yuki thought she was doing. He had stopped paying attention as Shigure had poked his head around the door to the kitchen, smiling blearily at them.

"Good morning My lovely little Tohru-kun!! I heard someone questioning my sleeping habits! What is this indignity!"

She turned, when she saw it was Shigure, her face broke into a huge smile.

"Good morning!"

Yuki groaned, putting his head back on the table, trying to ignore Shigure's babbling. _Since When…._

Shigure coughed loudly – stopping short his ranting. "I'm sorry Tohru-kun – but Yuki here and myself need to go to the main house very shortly. "

Her face fell the tiniest bit, she bit her lip. "Ne.. ok then! I'll just put this in the fridge.." Shigure's appreciative nod made her make a small smile as she turned back to the counter.

Shigure stepped in the room completely , stretching his back with a yawn that Yuki was sure would break his jaw. When Shigure saw the rat sitting there looking so completely bedraggled – he snorted. Yuki raised an eyebrow before looking at what he was wearing. Swearing under his breath, he pushed past Shigure to go change.

Shigure smirked.

"Ne.. Shigure..-san?"

"Hai Tohru-kun?"

She had turned around, twisting a strand of hair in one hand, and the other tugging on the bottom of her shirt. She blinked and looked at the floor. "Are… are you going to visit Kyo-kun?" She burst out.

Shigure kept his face carefully impassive. "Nope. Just going to see Ha'ri. Monthly checkup an' all"

"Oh... Ok..."

She turned around again, but not before Shigure had seen the completely miserable look on her face. He sighed, going over to her. He leant his head on her shoulder, putting his hands on her waist- being careful not to completely encircle it. He didn't really want to go through his dog form right now. He breathed into her ear.

"It'll all be fine.. Don't worry yourself about such things.." His warm breath tickled her ear and he swore he could feel her face heating up as she blushed fiercely.

"eh… Hai…." Before she could answer, the door swung open once more revealing a neatly dressed Nezumi.

"**What**** do you think you're doing??"**

* * *

Yuki had steadfastedly refused to get into the same car as the perverted inu. But when he looked back at the house (in the midst of Shigure trying to shove him into the backseat with his foot), Yuki saw Tohru standing on the porch giggling, a smile lighting up her face. 

Yuki had sighed dejectedly, seeing her that happy made him lose his resolve and he had left himself be pushed into the car by a panting Shigure who proceeded to nearly slam the door on Yuki's foot.

So now here they were – speeding along the barely mile long distance from Shigure's house to the Sohma grounds. Yuki was sulking in the backseat –staring fixedly out the window, arms crossed across his chest.

Shigure was driving. (Need I say – DUH) However, he was performing a very clever balancing act at the same time, he was smoking a cigarette in one hand and the other was in the midst of finding a radio station. Random songs, static, and ads, were bursting out of the speakers at full volume , changing every other second.

Yuki's eye was twitching, his fists clenched.

_Got to be free now! ; STATIC ; This amazing luxury cruise can be yours ; Can you feel the looove toniiiight? The - ; STATIC ; What a great day to buy, buy BUY!_

"**PICK A STATION AND STAY THERE ALREADY!"**

* * *

The Sohma grounds were just the same as they had always been. Just the same as they had been all those years ago – when all Yuki's bad memories had been made.

He shivered.

But Shigure stopped the car at the beginning of the long drive, parking in the grass that was green and alive on one side

And dead on the other.

It was in the middle of the day, yet it felt as cold as night. The air on one particular side of the road seemed to freeze you the second you stepped into it. The driveway went on and on – made of shells and gravel – but at the start ,Where Yuki and Shigure were, there was a worn dirt path with very few footprints on it leading to somewhere neither the Nezumi or inu could see.

Yuki walked over to stand by the path – examining the clearly newest footprints. They weren't widely spaced, and the front of it had made little holes in the dirt. Yuki smiled in spite of himself. The last person to walk on this path had kicked it as he went.

Yuki looked back at Shigure who was leaning on the car, hands in his pockets, looking at the ground.

"Here?" Shigure glanced up at the sound of Yuki's voice before following the finger that Yuki was pointing toward the dirt path. He scratched his head for a second, before nodding.

Yuki stopped trying to think. Stopped trying to think about what was going on. Stopped trying to decipher everything. Stopped trying to wonder how Kyo would react when he saw him. Stopped … everything…

* * *

Kyo's POV

* * *

The room is freezing, cold wind blows through the window. There is no light – Akito took that out several years ago. 

I sat in the corner of the room – legs drawn up to my chest – arms wrapped around them – head in my arms. I pressed myself into the wall as I heard voices murmuring outside the door.

_No more…_

_Please.._

_Leave me alone…_

I heard the key click in the lock and I flinched turning my head into the wall and pressing it into it. But then – nothing. After a couple minutes of silence I chanced a look up to see if whoever it was had gone.

…_.Yuki?_

* * *

**IMPORTANT NOTE : This is only part 1. Its midnight (Again. I am suuuuch a procrastinator) and I really want to get at least something out tonight. I'll do part two :cough: tomorrow :Cough: and then combine them probably. **

**Kyo & Yuki : What is it with your and your damn Cliffies!!!**

**Meh : Just torturin' ya.**

**Kyo :Growl: Bitch**

**Meh : Ya love it**

**REVIEW MEH :pokes with branding iron: **

**No seriously. Just do it. CLICK TEH BUTTON!!**


	7. Don't Want to be hurt anymore

**Disclaimer: I seem to have forgotten this in the last few chappies. : Hits self: Sorry…**

**Aanyways – I do NOT own furuba. I know how much this disappoints you all - but all I own is a life-size Kyo cat plushie, a momiji bunny, a jyunishi poster, a fruits basket blanket, a seahorse pl- :Walks away:**

**Sorry it took so long for meh to update—just started high school - having a lot of personal shit - Writer's block has morphed into some kind of weird Tenpa Block - where I think of all these billions of ideas for the stori at school, forget to write them down, and by the time I get home I've forgotten them all – My computer's being a hoe and erasing all the work I do on meh chappies – Blah.. Blah... Blah...**

**BTW: I will also use random lyrics from songs I like. **

**Yays!! I love meh reviewers so much: Runs around in circles – reviewers back away:**

**Nyeh…. Aaaanways.**

**Rika100 AwwThanks a lot. XD :Gives cyberplushie of Kyo and Yuki holding a huge sign that says THANK YOU on it:**

**rosemont419:Squee: That's so sweet! Ya actually like meh writing? OO . Craziness. :Gives giant ball of cotton candy in exchange for love: Yays! XP**

**lampshadesrgreat : Heh heh. :evil cackle: I am a cliffie whore. Be warned:Gives cyberplushie of Kyo and Yuki shyly holding hands: Cuteness! XP. I worry sometimes that it might be slower than other fanfics - but as long as you're happy! I'm so glad you understand the figuratively thing. I was writing it and I was going ' Crap... what if nobody understands what that means?' Heh ... so yea. You'll tell meh if it's getting too angsty Mmk? I can get swept away sometimes. :cough: understatement :cough: ... Lovell Ya.**

**Kyokitty101 : Yay. :) Thankies!!! **

**DragonWingsOfTheElements : Yays!:dances: Thank you!! It seemed like nobody was reading meh fic for a while so I was depressed :sob:.. but your review gave meh inspiration tah finish this chappi. Thank ya!**

**Maisy: Teh heh. Get back from your vacation already! I need meh beta!! .. I'll send ya dah chapter after this tah beta Mmk:Jumps up and down: I have a beta! No more typos for meh! YAY! … I really like the beginning too. I was feeling really angsty so I just sat down - turned on the computer - and gave it all to the cursed Sohma's! ...It's a really good way tah get rid of angst in your system.**

**Kyo: What? Torturing me??**

**Meh: ... Yes ….**

**Kyo: Whore.**

**Meh:Smacks with textbook: Don't talk to meh like that in front of Maisy:Both look at Maisy:**

**BTW2: Please tell me if Hatori is OOC. He's a really hard character for me to write because I am the exact opposite of him. . If he's not OOC - tell meh - cuz i'm obsessing over it now.**

Chapter 7_ "Don't want to be hurt anymore."_

* * *

_Yu...Yuki?_

My voice had never sounded so fragile - so weak - as when he said it. His voice cracked halfway through - he looked so completely lost I ... I wanted to comfort him. But then he abruptly jerked his head back into his arms as his whole body tensed. He pressed himself as much into the wall as he could - as if trying to faze through it. A small ray of sunlight shone through the room, illuminating him sitting there.

I swallowed the gasp that had threatened to come out of my mouth as I saw the state of him.

There wasn't an inch of his body that wasn't covered in bruises. There were large cuts on the parts of him I could see - still leaking bright red blood. I briefly wondered if there were more under his clothes - although he didn't appear to be wearing a shirt... there was a huge bright red smear on the wall. I gulped - trying to suppress my gag reflex. I didn't deal well with blood. Paper cut? I might have been able to deal with. But this amount of blood could feel a damn bathtub!

I looked away, staring at the door I had come in from. I gulped several more times, trying to calm myself down enough to gain the courage to go over and talk to him.

He looked so ... small.

_Is this... really the baka neko?_

_The hot-tempered ... forever fighting ... neko?_

_Can this be him?_

I steeled myself - taking a step toward him. The carpet squished beneath me - I decided it would be best if I didn't look down anytime soon.

When I got close enough to see him more clearly - I saw he was shaking. His whole body trembling violently. I knelt down next to him - ignoring the carpet - and just stayed there. On my knees, leaning toward him, tilting my head - waiting for him to look up. When he didn't - I tentatively stretched out a hand to touch his arm. He flinched, his whole body jumped as I could hear him hiss.

"...Kuso...Nezumi..."

I smiled in relief, letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"...Come to torture me some more?"

The smile disappeared - a frown replaced it.

"What?"

"Like you don't know."

"What are you talking about?"

"...Whatever... It's not like you give a damn."

"Listen you-"

"No! You listen! I don't need this right now OK! I can't... can't deal with this right now. So say your piece - about how I'm making everyone worry about me and I'm so selfish - and then leave!!"

My eyes widened - whether in shock or fear I don't know. He still hadn't looked up - his fists were clenched now - his knuckled white. I could hear him taking shaky breaths - that seemed to be coming out from gritted teeth.

"...I ... I didn't come to yell at you."

He raised his head slightly - but he didn't say anything.

"I want to know what's going on."

"Suddenly you care?"

"I...I ..."

His head lifted to look at me. He had two blacks eyes, and there were several angry welts on his face - but he didn't seem to react to them at all. He had a cut lip, there was a line of blood running down his chin. His eyes were dark with anger - he glared at me with so much defiance...I felt slightly better.

_No matter what happens to him_

_He's still the same person_

His eyes narrowed at me. "So?" I looked away. Unwilling to admit I might possibly... care.

_Is it possible?_

_For the Nezumi… to care about the Neko?_

_Why should I? He's done nothing but try to __**hurt **__me since the day we met._

_So why should I care?_

_Why should I?_

He had looked away, eyes closing. His body relaxed- but not in comfort. In exhaustion.

_The Neko is not meant to be cared about. The Neko is meant for people too see how good their own lives are. _

_When you look at Kyo, without knowing his past... his present... his future... you just think he's a smart-ass who gets kicks out of fighting innocent people. _

_But when you know him – the __**real him**__ – as we Sohma's do – you can compare your life to his and think – Hey! My life really isn't that bad._

_I've got a family. I've got a future._

_He doesn't. _

_And that makes them feel better._

_That actually makes them __**feel better.**_

_**Jerks.**_

_But…… looking at him now – it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I say about those people. Because – me – I'm no better._

_No better._

_**No Better than them…**_

He was looking at me now. With such a sad look – it can't be expressed in simple words. It was look a mother watching her son leave to go to the army – or the face of an innocent person in prison – looking out trough the bars helplessly at the world.

"Just... tell me what's going on. What is this place? Why was Shigure talking about a deal?"

Silence.

"Damnit, I deserve to know!!"

Silence.

"hey... I understand what you're going through. I've felt this too-"

His eyes had narrowed, darkening to a deep crimson. His mouth twisted into a grimace

"Are you trying to say...? That you now how I feel? That you understand what I'm going through?"

"…Well… Ye-"

He jumped up, wincing, yet still using his motion to carry him straight up. He stared down at me – with such a hateful look, I couldn't believe even Kyo's face could twist like that.

"**You understand nothing! Nothing! This is all your fault! Fucking Nezumi!" **His fists shook- he had clenched them so hard. "**Perfect little Yuki. Always gets what he wants. Can have any friend he wants cause he's so goddamn perfect!! Can get rid of any friend too – when he gets tired of them. He doesn't care whether he hurts them or not… "**

He scowled. "**Cause he's so fucking perfect."**

My face had frozen into a mixture of shock and disgust. "What **are **you talking about?"

He rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Pretend all you want."

"Fine. I will then."

He stayed silent at that – turning away to stare at the window. I shifted uncomfortable – altogether too confused about his ranting.

"Hey..."

Silence.

"..Kyo..."

Silence.

"Godamnit Baka, listen to me!"

He looked over his shoulder at me, glaring in a way only he could. "What did you possibly think you could say to me to make up for what you did? Did you think I would forgive you? Just like that? With you never knowing how I felt? With you never realizing the extant of what you had done?"

"WHAT!" I was shouting now, there comes a time when the string inside of me breaks and I explode. Unless I was very much mistaken, that time was now.

"**What have I done to hurt you so badly?"**

"….Pretending not to remember won't help you."

"**I. Am. Not. Pretending."**

He raised an eyebrow at me – before rolling his eyes and looking away.

"If you really can't remember – It's even worse than I thought."

"….. Or is it just that you don't want to remember." He mumbled under his breath.

Was it just me or did his voice sound squeaky..?

He stayed like that for several minutes, the silence getting longer and longer until I was sure it would explode. I stared at his hair - wondering what he was thinking. The only sound I could hear was the wind rustling the trees outside the window

He flashed his head around suddenly – orange hair flying before falling into place on the other side of his head. His eyes were shiny, his face red as he seemed to be struggling with himself.

He whispered something I couldn't hear.

"What?"

He growled and hissed through gritted teeth. "We were **friends**...Nezumi**."**

My eyes widened as both my eyebrows rose to be hidden by my bangs. I coughed, trying to hide my discomfort at the turn this conversation had taken. "We were…" Cough "We were... What?"

He looked down – his hair falling over his eyes.

"Friends."

"..Since when?"

He flinched.

My mind flashed back to the dream I'd had last night for a second before I pushed it out of my mind. I snorted "… I suppose you call fighting me every time you see me friendship… "

His eyes narrowed at me. "You know we were better than that."

My forehead scrunched up in confusion, I raised a hand to it to try and calm it. "How ... How good friends were we- "

"The **Best**."

I gulped in confusion.

_Even the Neko can't lie this well._

His face was so red I was getting just the tiniest bit scared – and then the room exploded. At least that's what it seemed like to me. Kyo's voice does that to people.

"**And then you went and hated me. One day you just stopped, completely forgot me. What the Fuck!!! OF COURSE I'M ALWAYS FUCKING MAD AT YOU!"**

_What..._

"**How would you feel knowing the only person in the world you trusted, the only person you depended on – The person who was the only FUCKING reason you were alive - Just suddenly IGNORED YOU! HATED YOU! How did you think I would react?!"**

_What…._

_What is going on…?_

_Why does this remind me of…_

"**Didn't think about me did you? All you cared about was your precious position! All you cared about were the people who were WORTH something. NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW I FELT!"**

_Of my friends._

_The only friends I'd ever had._

_Suddenly gone. With their memories wiped._

"**And then the only thing you could do when you saw me was mock me! What the fuck!!!!! DID YOU THINK I WOULDN' CARE???"**

_Why am I reminded of this…What's…_

_What's…_

_Going on……_

* * *

I could feel cold hands touching my face - my breath hitched - and I gasped...then winces at the familiar pain building in my chest. My eyes were clenched shut - I cracked one open to survey the person touching me - even though I already knew. 

Hatori was leaning over me, one palm on my forehead, lips pursed. I way lying on a couch – and looking around – I could see I was still at the main house.

I tried to sit up, but he pushed me down gently.

"It'd be best not to exert yourself for a while."

"What… What happened?"

"You had an attack."

I sighed. They had started happening much more often - ever since a day or two ago. I stared at the ceiling, my eyes trying to focus. Suddenly, the memory of what had happened came back to me. I turned my head to look at Hatori, after a second or two he swirled into focus.

"Ha-" I coughed - my voice was hoarse.

"Hatori." He turned slightly, casting a glance in my direction.

"Kyo... he said..."

"I heard." I raised an eyebrow. Was it just me or was that color in his cheeks?

"One of the conditions of you visiting Kyo was me to await you outside the door" he mumbled it under his breath, looking away.

I flushed, looking down.

"Is... is it true..?"

"..What?"

"What he said."

He twisted his hands together, before sighing and turning around fully, drawing up a chair and sitting across from me.

He looked away, fixedly staring at a spot on the wall. I bit my lip to keep from yelling at him.

_I need to know._

_I know my present._

_My future is decided._

_But I still need to know – my past._

"Yes." My whole body froze, tensing, at the one word.

_Yes._

_Yes..._

_Yes…_

_Yes…_

_We were friends Nezumi._

_Yes…_

_One day you just stopped, completely forgot me._

_Yes…_

_The person who was the only FUCKING reason you were alive_

_Yes…_

_We were friends._

_Friends._

_Friends…_

"Yuki?" Hatori was looking at me with what I assumed was a worried look.

"Why…" I coughed. 'Why weren't Kyo's….. … erased..?"

"They were."

I rolled my eyes. "I can't believe you just said that with a straight face."

He exhaled forcefully. "I mean... i thought they were..."

"Oh."

_All the times he'd fought me._

_He thought he was fighting his best friend._

_He thought that... He thought…_

Hatori's voice snapped me back to reality.

"Sorry?"

"He didn't... doesn't know."

I coughed. "Know... what?"

"That your memories were erased."

I scrunched my eyes—before biting my lip and looking at Hatori with a look of realization.

"You mean..."

_He didn't know..._

_He thought his best friend – the only person he trusted – the person he depended on – just started hating him. Starting ignoring him – leaving him completely alone. _

_Just like everyone else._

_No wonder he hated me. No wonder he couldn't stand me._

I moaned, sitting up and leaning forward off the couch, putting my head into my heads. The last picture of Hatori I saw was him standing up with a worried look on his face - and stepping forward slightly.

_I'm so stupid!_

_I am everything he's always called me._

_How could I have been like that? How could that have been me…? _

My shoulders were shaking – my sobs stifled by my tightly clenched fists. Tears were pooling in my hands – tears I hadn't shed for years came poring out. For so long – I hadn't cried. Hadn't shown how I felt - and now it all came out. My anger at Akito, Hatori, this place, this situation, everything!

I felt a tentative arm around my shoulder – and could sense the dragon sitting next to me. I didn't lean into his embrace, but didn't pull away. Through my fingers I could see teardrops falling onto Hatori's lap. The dragon was crying.

I didn't pull away. We just sat there together, silent and yet both shaking with sobs.

" " " "

"_Promise me something"_

"_Anything"_

"_You'll never leave me"_

"_**Please**__"_

_Yuki's sad little smile was hidden by Kyo's hair. "I'll never leave you" he repeated..._

* * *

_**I'm so stupid…**_

_**Such an awful person.**_

* * *

_A world where everyone hated you – feared you – couldn't stand being around you – a world that didn't want you to exist._

_It'd be hard to keep going on - for anyone._

_But if you had one person – one person to keep your seams together – one person to keep you from going over the edge - you would have a reason for living._

_Just seeing that person – just knowing there was one person who accepted you – would make you think that maybe... just maybe... you could survive your life for at least one more day._

_But if suddenly- your reason for living started hating you – just like everyone else - what would you do? How would you react?_

_Would you hide your pain behind anger? Would you collapse and let your emotions out? Would you avoid the person at all costs? Would you go numb? Or would you lose all faith in everything altogether?_

_How would __**you **__react?_

* * *

**YAYS!! It's done!! Meh last chappi without a beta:throws confetti around:**

**I'm so proud of mehself!!**

**I'm thinkin' that I won't combine Chap 6 & 7. They're both long enough as it is. . **

**:cough: I'm sooo lazy. I'm doing this instead of all the MOUNTAINS of homework I have due tomorrow. Curse you high school!**

**But you guys appreciate right:angelic face:**

**Aaaanways… as always – REVIEW MEH :looks around. ran out of things to poke with...so drops neko-kyo onto the heads of readers:**

**Kyo: AIEEEEEE!**

**Meh : Oopsie:blink: **

**FRIGGIN' TALK TA MEH PEOPLES! YA MAKE MEH WORLD GO ROUND!! #.#**

**Teh heh. :Glomps:**

_**: .Tenpa. :**_


	8. How should I feel?

**Much love to meh Beta, Maisy, for this chappi. Love ya!**

**Warning : This chapter - A little bit of violence..angst...crap like that.**

**Disclaimer : If I owned this - why would I be writing fanfiction about it?**

**Sorries for the shortness and how long it took meh tah update. A lot of stuff has been going on and for a while its been hard for meh to write angst cuz i've been so damn happeh! And I meant it to be a lotttt longer but I just couldn't .. get myself... to continue...  
**

**I thought I was a cliffie whore - but judging by the amount of pure angst I keep pouring into this - I have some serious angst issues. -.- And yes, I have downgraded the rating. I don't think it needs to be rated M 'just' yet. :evil laugh:**

**I know Yuki seems a bit OOC - don't worri - its really bugging me too. . **

**And now - for meh wonderful reviewers!!! YAYS:jumps for joy:**

**- **

**Maisy : O.o Your addy... it burns... LOVELL YOU MAISY!!!**

**Hazel : Aww... Don't cry.. It gets much worse! XD :hides behind bullet proof glass:  
**

**DragonWingsOfTheElements : I do really like cookies... :munch: Thankies!**

**icefox94 : I know.. don't you just loove torturing him? **

**anon. : You really are too nice to meh with meh pathetic ramblings XP. Thankies!  
**

**Rika100 : Teh heh. Knowing you think that.. somehow.. fills meh heart.. with joy!! (Tohru from the manga - if nobody can guess)**

**lampshadesrgreat : Heh. What can I say? Angst is meh calling. XD**

**Kyo : Bitch**

**Meh : Silence sexy!**

**- **

** Enjoy meh random ramblings about angsty crap!! Eh... Well that's what I think it is anyways. ... ok... moving on!!  
**

Chapter 8: _"How should I feel?"_

* * *

_There are so many emotions in this world. So many emotions that some people can control - and some people can't. Emotions are confusing at the best of times - they tell you things about yourself that you don't want to have to deal with. When you're depressed - they kick you when you're down. When you're happy - they tell you how stupid you are. They can never leave you alone._

_But there are so... many. So many - and they are all swirling around inside our bodies. We don't know what to think - what to do. So we end up doing nothing. Just sitting there in silence._

_**Silent Pain**_

_**Sometimes they help us. Guide us through difficult situations where we have lost all touch with reality.**_

_**But emotions are double-edged swords.**_

_No emotion is without consequences - there's always a catch. You can't feel happiness without feeling sadness, or forgiveness without betrayal. _

_Without dark there would be no light._

_Without hatred there would be no love._

_And this is why we are forced to live through our depressing emotions day after day – in the faint hope of that one time when we can feel happiness again._

_That faint hope… that seems to dwindle day after day, until it fades into nothing._

_But without hope – there is no apathy._

_This means that we still feel these emotions. They're killing us – we're dying inside. Every morning we wake up that bit less whole. We lose a bit of ourselves in the night. But we still feel them - and we can't turn them off. There isn't a mute button. They yell and scream at us day after day until nothing seems real anymore. _

_Some people show this – they show what they are feeling. They let the world know. But what if the world is scared of strong emotions? What if the world runs from them?_

_Some people hide their emotions – and don't let anyone know. But they're dying ... so slowly inside. And nobody knows..._

_Without life there would be no death._

_But without death there would be no life._

* * *

3rd POV

* * *

Hatori had brought Yuki back to Shigure's house shortly afterwards - Yuki having fainted. The dragon had then returned to the main house - going directly for his office, avoiding the eyes of all he passed. 

As he pushed the door open, his eyes scanned the room frantically before landing on a specific drawer from one of the many filing cabinets lining his office. He stumbled forward to it, two hands clutching the handle silently for a second before it was yanked open.

There was only one thing inside it, a single thing lying on the bottom of the huge drawer, face down. He stared at it for a second, before reaching in slowly, and cautiously, pulling it out…

He went to his chair, collapsing in it, still holding the item face down. Rays of sunlight fell on it, illuminating it. His eyes were shut tightly, his hands trembling as he held it.

He flipped it over, his eyes still closed. He stayed like that for what seemed to him like hours, before he opened his eyes and let them land on the faded and creased picture lying innocently in his hands.

-

-

_Children's laughter rang out through the garden. The sun had just risen, and a mockingbird was singing gleefully somewhere in the distance. Two young boys were wrestling playfully on the ground, leaves in their hair and smiles on their faces. _

_The sleeves of both their shirts had risen up past their elbows, revealing bruises not acquired during the wrestling match._

_An older adult was standing nearby, a long strand of dark hair covering his left eye. His mouth was twitching at the corners, and his eyes crinkled as he watched the two. _

_The red head seemed to be the stronger of the two, but the dark-haired one was certainly enjoying teasing the other._

"_What's the matter Kyo? Playing cat and mouse are we?" To which Kyo stuck his tongue out and smiled, crinkling up his nose. He sat up, before falling back onto the ground tiredly. Yuki collapsed too, stretching out next to Kyo._

_The adult chuckled, walking over to them and looking down. _

"_What d'ya think you're laughing at, Hatori?" Kyo was desperately trying to act annoyed, but the knowledge that Yuki was there next to him kept him from having a half-way decent scowl. _

_Hatori just pulled out a camera, aiming it at the two on the ground. Yuki smiled at him, stretching his arm out behind Kyo's head. Kyo's incredulous and shocked look remained on his face even as he smiled slightly at Yuki's half-hug._

_Hatori pressed the button, the two's faces now frozen in time. _

-

-

The dragon's head nodded onto his chest, two teardrops now staining the picture he held.

* * *

Yuki's POV

* * *

My head was laying on something soft – my whole body was warm. I could hear voices muttering somewhere above me, but could only catch some words here and there. 

"I wish I...Tohru...I just... Hatori...said… sick."

"Sick…? Is Yuki … What happened to …..? Will...ok?"

"I …no idea"

I cracked an eye open, wincing at the light poring into the room. Immediately, I felt a warm hand on my arm, and could sense the presence of someone kneeling next to me.

"Yuki-kun! Are you awake?" I winced inwardly at how loud Tohru's voice sounded, but nodded slightly. I opened my mouth to confirm, but no sound came out. I worked my throat for a couple of seconds before some sort of sound emerged.

"Yea…" It came out as a hoarse croak.

"You've been asleep for a month, Yuki-kun!!"

I paled as Shigure's voice rang through the room. "...Wh…What?" I choked out.

Tohru's confused eyes were flipping wildly between me and Shigure.

He chuckled to himself. "Yeah right. You've been asleep since Hatori brought you back yesterday." I scowled at him, desperately hoping for something horrible to happen to him at that moment.

-

The day went past in a blur. It took me a while to get up, making both me and Tohru-kun late for class. When we got there, it was hard for me to focus on anything. Everything people said to me seemed meaningless to what I had learned the day before.

_We were friends, __**Nezumi.**_

I couldn't help wondering what Kyo was thinking right now - whether Hatori had told him the truth, or if Kyo would believe it even if he heard it.

It seemed like nobody around me cared where Kyo was. All they seemed to care about was me ignoring them. I was too busy with my own thoughts – my own memories – to deal with people around me.

Before I knew it, the day was over and Tohru and I were walking home. She was still talking, throwing concerned glances my way every time she paused for breath.

-

It took me forever to fall asleep that night. I tossed and turned, but couldn't help remembering the night I had got up and gone to Kyo's room to find him shaking and scared. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Kyo – with his head down, backed against the wall as far as he could be, covered in bruises and yet still as stubborn as the cat he was.

I somehow managed to drift off after filling my head with images of homework and things I needed to do.

-

I was brought back into consciousness by a sobbing form in the night. I moaned, kicking out at it slightly. Its sobs only got louder – so reluctantly I opened my eyes. Tohru was standing there in her pajamas, tears streaming down her face, her hands clutched to her chest, staring down at the floor in shame.

"I'm…" She hiccupped. "I'm sorry Yuki-kun…" She sniffled louder, and my face twisted in concern.

"It's fine Honda-San." I sat up, rubbing my eyes with the back of clenched fists as I yawned. "Sit down" I said, eyeing the empty spot next to me.

She did, the springs squeaking as her small weight rested on them. She was holding something in her clenched fists; she wouldn't take her eyes off of it.

I titled my head, staring at her. "What's wrong" I asked cautiously, even though I was fairly sure I already knew.

She opened her hands, and I stared at their contents.

It was a paper-mache orange cat, with a smile on its face and two cute little ears. Her tears were landing on it.

"I made it… for my zodiac collection… so … **he**…could be a part of it…" She sniffled loudly. "But he… never saw it…"

I looked at the floor, away from her, unsure how to react. She was sniffling, her sobs threatening to come back. I sighed.

"I … can see him…At the Sohma house. I know where he is. I'll give it to him." She looked up at me, a faint glimmer of hope shining out through her eyes. "Oh would you? Oh Yuki-kun! Thank you so much!" I smiled at her blearily.

She extended her hand out to me, and I clasped my hands on the paper-mache animal. She bit her lip. "I don't suppose… No… never mind..."

"What is it?"

"Well… It would be too much trouble to take it tonight…..yes… ne…" I looked at the clock on my stand, its glowing numbers burned into my mind. 2:30.

I looked back at Tohru's face, the drying trails of tears on her face, her lip bitten so hard it was a wonder it was wasn't bleeding.

"Of course I could take it tonight."

-

And that was how I ended up walking to the main house at 3 in the morning holding a small orange cat in my hands.

It was dark out. The only reason I wasn't lost was because I had it made this trip hundreds of times before. The wind was blowing through the trees, and a full moon was glowing brightly in the sky.

It was totally silent. The only sound I could hear was my own footsteps, and the memory of Tohru's sobbing. ... I didn't even have the energy to curse Kyo for making her sad.

Energy? Or will….?

I could see the silhouette of the main house in the distance, and sighed wearily. I stopped walking and tilted my head up to look at the stars.

_Blood streaming onto the floor, pooling there. There was no sound, no pleading, and no sobbing… only loud laughter reverberating through the small room. The cuts were getting longer and harsher, and it became harder and harder not to cry out. _

I hissed in pain, doubling over and clutching my sides, trying desperately to escape the pain that was filling me.

_What…is this? I didn't fall – didn't accidentally fall on a sword somewhere along the way. This isn't an attack…But what the hell is it then?!!_

I paled, remembering the room that had flashed through my mind. I completely forgot about the pain - just concentrating on getting to the main house as fast as possible.

My feet were hitting the ground at a pace I didn't know existed – my lungs were desperately trying to get more air, but I didn't care.

_If all this is true..._

_If is really is true…and we were friends..._

_Then I've left him once. _

…_I won't do it again._

* * *

**Oopsies. Guess I am a cliffie whore. **

**Don't kill meh... :hides:**

**But still - REVIEW!!! Whatever you want to say! Just RAMBLE! I Don't care!!**

**:throws pillows at readers for some random reason: **

**REVIEW MEH!!**

**:Ooops - I guess it isn't a random reason:**

**_: .Tenpa. :_  
**

**  
**


	9. Why are you still here?

**Yes! I am alive:skips for joy:**

**This chappi took sooo long to write -thanks to all you loyal peoples for sticking with me- and especially lampshadesrgreat and maisy. Thankies!**

**Hmm.. well ... i can't think of anything to say. :shivers:**

**Kyo : Finally**

**Meh : Shut it you -.-**

**REVIEWERS :**

**Koneko-Chan : Ok!**

**Ocean's nocturne of the COCA : Don't... die...**

**fel : I'm amazing, huh? I eventually did get inspired - so .. yea!**

**Maisy : hehe. You are a 'mazing beta. I love ya ;)**

**mousecat : I love how you managed to analyze that entire chapi in just one paragraph. I'm glad you think this was a well-written chapter - i need that kind of encouragement. Thank you ;)**

**lampshadesrgreat : heh. bet ya hate me even more now that i haven't updated for 3 months.**

**Rika100 : Sad is good for the soul. Thank you very much!**

**I can't really dedicate this chappi to one specific person - so im dedicating it to all my readers. Thank you all :)  
**

_Chapter 9: "Why are you still here?"_

* * *

Even though the sun was just starting to peek above the horizon, no light managed to shine through the branches of trees hanging overhead. No light; only cold wind that breezed through the clearing, rustling the month old layer of leaves. Not a single bird sang, not a single strain of music or laughter rang through the forest. The only sound was that of the crunching leaves being uprooted by the uncaring wind. 

A small figure bowed in the middle of the clearing. He was doubled over on his knees, hands clutching the earth desperately. His eyes were tight shut, focusing on the sting of cold wind blowing across his cheeks. It distracted him from the even colder thoughts echoing through his head.

"_Always got everything you wanted didn't you? You were always given everything you wanted. Pathetic."_

The dark robed figure clutched his head in his hands, rocking back and forth.

"_You took everything from me! Everything!"_

His hands spread to his ears, clutching them as if he could block out the voices.

"_You should have died the moment you were introduced to the world."_

"_It's all your fault!"_

"_It was always your fault!"_

"_It'll always be your fault ... __**Akito…."**_

** : But what Akito needed to know... :  
**

** : Was that nothing could block out the voices. :  
**

** : They stay with you… :  
**

** :Forever… :  
**

A crisp voice cut through the chilled air, accompanied by the crinkling of leaves underfoot.

"Oh. It's you."

Akito raised his head and lowered his hands to the ground before turning...

* * *

Yuki

* * *

_Just keep running… don't stop… don't do this again…_

The pounding of Yuki's feet ended the silence that had taken over the night. He didn't even know why he was responding to something that was nothing more than a vision.

All he knew was that, for some reason, he could only hear one thought over and over again in his head.

_"Pain..."_

Before he knew it, he was passing the front gate, ignoring the confused shouts of the guards. He was running, he wouldn't stop.

No … couldn't stop.

He ignored everything, even the rasping breaths being forced in and out of his lungs. The houses kept flashing by, each identical to the next. Yuki imagined people behind every window staring at him, judging him... and he ran faster.

And then he stopped.

The path that led to Kyo loomed ominously in front of him.

_**Taking this path, Yuki, means you cross the border between indifference … and care.**_

_**Are you willing to do this?**_

_**To cross a line you have never crossed before?**_

He didn't hesitate, and started running again - but along the path, not away from it.

_**There's no turning back now.**_

* * *

**Akito **_**  
**_

* * *

Akito's breath caught in his throat as his gaze settled on the intruder to his little world. 

"Ren."

Her mocking gaze seemed to pierce him even as he looked away into the trees. Even they seemed to be laughing at him. Akito narrowed his eyes, biting his lip.

"Typical. Just like you to wallow in your own self-pity."

Akito rose slowly to his feet, subconsciously clenching his fists.

"I didn't expect you to be coming." He spat out the words, refusing to look her in the eyes.

"Well,_you _wouldn't."

"Don't treat me like that - mother."

"Like what?"

"Like an imbecile."

"But my dear, sweet Akito... that's what you are." Her patronizing smile didn't even pretend to reach her eyes.

"Get over yourself. You're not nearly as great as your inflated ego seems to think."

Her smile disappeared. "I've finally realized the biggest mistake of my life – not killing you all those years ago."

Akito's mouth twisted into a snarl. "What do you want? You obviously came over here for a reason."

Ren's fake smile was already back in place. She cocked an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side. "I really don't remember." She smirked. "It's just so easy to forget about you isn't it - your uselessness is unmatched." She cut him off before he could let loose the angry comment he had at the ready. "But it's always so pleasant to see someone even more pathetic than the others…it does lift my spirits."

Akito stepped closer to her, staring directly into her eyes. "Your spirit died a long time ago."

"It died on the day you were born."

Ren caught Akito's fist just several inches away from her nose. Her grip was excruciatingly tight for such a frail woman, causing Akito to wince slightly.

"Don't ever forget, Akito – I am better than you. Everything you do, I do a thousand times better. You can never beat me, so don't even try. It's pathetic – it makes me _sick_."

Ren roughly shoved Akito's fist away from her before throwing him a smirking glance.

"Don't ever forget it."

And almost as quickly as she had come, she was gone.

Akito's knees seemed to weaken under him for a moment, before a look of pure rage flashed across his face. He stood shakily, trying to register each breath - before following the path he had come along that led back to the main grounds.

The main grounds... and the Neko's house…

* * *

Yuki

* * *

It was freezing cold. Yuki tried to focus his attention on the little clouds of water vapor coming from his mouth. He could see the shadow of the Neko's house approaching - and each approaching second seemed to send more clouds of fear through his mind. 

**Why do you care…?**

_I don't know…_

**If you don't – then why are you doing this?**

…_Because I have a strange feeling – that I __need__ to care…_

Each step took him closer to something he wasn't sure he was ready to face. Something he wasn't sure he was ready to accept…

_Who knows what might be happening inside…?_

**Just leave it…**

_I can't…_

Why? _  
_

_Because even though he's a baka, I still feel responsible._

Yuki was outside the door of the Neko's house, his hand on the doorknob.

_Unlocked...?_

Something was keeping him from turning the knob; something was keeping him from looking inside.

The something…was a sound coming…coming out of the Neko's house. A sound Yuki knew too well. A sound that made him shiver and quake…

A sound that made him take his hand off the doorknob. Taking a step back from the door, his hands shook, and his eyes widened.

And in a moment of either complete insanity or absolute fear, Yuki walked to the other side of the Neko's house before collapsing into a heap on the ground. He sat there, putting his face in his hands, and began rocking himself back and forth.

**Pathetic. That's really what you are.**

_I am… aren't I…?_

**Yes. You say you're worried. You say you feel responsible, and then look what you did.**

_What did I do?_

**You left him. He needs you now - and where are you? Somewhere else… Just like always. **

_I'm pathetic…_

**Yes.**

_I left him…_

**Yes.**

The slamming of a door interrupted Yuki's whirling mind. His head shot up, his eyes opening. He got on his knees, crawling over to the edge of the wall, and looking beyond it, to see a dark, whirling figure pacing away.

_**Akito…?**_

Yuki closed his eyes, letting out a harsh breath he hadn't even known he was holding. He sat there for a second, letting his limbs collapse and his back fall against the wall.

_**Akito**_

Yuki gasped, sitting up suddenly.

_My… my vision…!_

He stood, forcing his muscles back into action as he ran over to the door without any hesitation.

The room was dark. Not even the light of the moon managed to peak through the window. The window that, Yuki noticed, had been boarded up, with thick planks leaving only a crack.

The only sound that could be heard was the harsh, rugged breathing coming from a lump in the corner. Yuki's breath caught in his throat. He could see himself walking over to the huddled person in the corner; he could see himself bending down and touching Kyo's shoulder. He could feel a shiver spread throughout Kyo's body.

Yuki bit his lip, snatching his hand away when he felt something wet. He raised his hand to his face and knew…he just knew…

It was blood.

Yuki looked away, taking a deep breath. He closed his eyes before turning back to Kyo and placing a hand on his shoulder. Yuki gently shook it.

"Kyo…"

Kyo's body was shaking. Yuki put his arm around the Neko's shoulders, before standing and gently pulling Kyo up with him. Kyo was at least partly supporting himself, which caused Yuki to calm down slightly.

* * *

They were almost outside the gate before a huge cloud enveloped the two of them. Yuki gasped, falling onto the ground as he lost his support. When the cloud had disappeared the only thing left was an orange cat lying on the ground. 

Yuki half-smiled, half-smirked at the orange ball of fluff. But as Yuki leaned down to pick him up, one bleary red eye cracked open. Yuki leaned back, rocking on his heels.

Kyo sighed, before starting to pull himself up onto his legs.

"You should rest."

"I can do whatever I want!"

"I'm just trying to help."

"Well don't!"

Yuki's eyes turned dark as he looked at Kyo. "I'm taking you home now."

"…No you're not."

"You're bleeding…" The light from the moon revealed the blood dripping from numerous wounds on his back and chest.

Kyo hissed and turned away. "I'm fine!"

Yuki sighed and leaned forward to pick him up, hissing when Kyo's claws slashed his face.

"Leave me alone!"

A bounding streak of orange disappeared into the trees. Yuki's right hand was applying pressure to his face to stop the bleeding, while his left was gripping the ground tightly.

"Baka..."

* * *

Yuki had returned to Shigure's house around an hour later, a quiet shadow passing through the halls that nobody really noticed. He went to his room, choosing to ignore the closed door of Kyo's. 

He sighed blearily upon entering, eyes trying hard to focus on any one thing. He padded over to his futon, collapsing on it. The scent reminded him of the main house just enough to make him shiver.

It seemed like sleep would never come, but before he knew it – it was daylight. It was a weekend; so he didn't have to worry about school. He heard Tohru's knocking on the door, but was in too much of a sleepy daze to call out to her.

The door opened, and harsh light from the hallway lit up his room even more. After a couple of minutes, he felt a slight pressure beside him on the bed.

"Is Yuki-kun alright?"

Yuki sighed into his futon before looking up at Tohrus' pleading eyes. He bit his lip.

"Err…did you give Kyo the…the cat? Because it's all right if you didn't…"

Yuki's eyes widened, remembering the paper-mache cat. Where was that thing even? He'd been too preoccupied to even notice it drop out of his hand somewhere along the way.

"No….I didn't Tohru-kun."

Was it just him, or did her eyes seem to fill with hurt?

"I didn't mean it like that…it's just…" Yuki looked away, unsure of how to say it.

"Is everything all right?"

"No. No, it isn't." He swallowed. "I don't know where Kyo is and …he's hurt. Badly, I think." He pretended not to notice her quiet gasp as he leant forward to rest his head in his hands.

"Yuki-kun…it might not be my place to say, but if that's true – and I'm sure it is! – but … if that is true…then what are you still doing here?"

Shining eyes met worried ones, each pair seeming to comprehend the other.

* * *

_Who is this person…?_

The main house was filled with lights, and bustling forms of people filled every room. Every room except _one_… One room had nothing inside it but a single floor length mirror - a room that nobody dared to go in.

It was in that room that the cloaked form of Akito stood, eyes fixed unwaveringly on the reflection that claimed to be his shape.

_**What am I?**_

_**Is that me…?**_

_**Or am I really…**_

_**Just a Lie..? **_

* * *

**So.. What do ya think!!**

** heh... im just so happy to have finished this :)**

** REVIEW MEH OR I WILL NOT UPDATE FOR ANOTHER 3 MONTHS!!**

** And you know i won't : scary face :**

**-.- Grrr - i've only gotten 3 REVIEWS. im not updating until i get 6 - so get to work people!! **

**: . Tenpa. : **_**  
**_


	10. Hate Or Something More

Ah.. Some good ol' fashioned Yuki Angst - With a healthy dollop of Kyo Angst thrown in. Perfect Fanfiction Diet Right?

Disclaimer : ..Oh yea, cause I so own fruits Basket. : sarcasm : Can't you just tell?

I love all my Reviewers! I Luuuuurve you guys ;-)

**Words : 3611**

_Chapter 10 "Is this Hate or Something More?"_

* * *

_You can understand how people can believe a lie is the truth._

_But what happens when the truth is a lie?_

_When every day you walk around your school, your job, whatever, with a huge smile on your face? And every time someone nods to you, it widens even more so that people you hardly know are betting how long it's going to take for your face to crack into a thousand shards of glass._

_But what if that wasn't real? What if there were secrets hidden behind the smile? The smile being the only thing people are able to see._

_Does anyone look at your eyes? Does anyone look at your shaking hands, hidden under layers of clothing?_

_Does anyone sense your fear? Your hate? The strong emotions swirling through your body and mind so fast you think you're going to explode? More importantly… do they sense it–_

_**-And not care?**_

* * *

_What does it feel like – to live the way you were meant?_

_What does it feel like to not be constantly living a __**lie**_

The cool breeze let in through the open window blew through the room. As it swept through it scattered papers across the room, and on its exit it blew strands of dark hair into the face of the figure leaning over the windowsill.

His face was impassive, his features intricate and so fine it seemed they were made of porcelain. So fine, it seemed like if you so much as tapped him, he would break apart. His hair was thin and long, hanging down unrestrained. His body was slumped wearily across the sill, his left arm stretched out along it, his right supporting his head. His breath came out in short puffs, betraying the turmoil boiling under his blank exterior.

The room he was in was completely dark, a room that nobody dared to use but himself. It was his sanctuary, his bliss, his place. The complete darkness suited him just fine.

There was only a mirror inside the room, a floor-length ornate mirror, cracked down the middle from one of his spastic rages.

The wooden edges were trimmed with gold, and elaborate symbols were carved into it. It was supported on an old and decaying stand that swayed and creaked with every blow of wind.

The symbols on the edge glittered fiercely in the darkness, standing out as if someone had lit a light within the mirror itself.

Only he knew what the symbols meant, and he was not going to part his last secret to anyone until his dying breath – of that he was certain.

The wooden floor of the room was scuffed and marked in more than one place, with deep dents set into it. This room was his outlet, one can only imagine how much fiercer his anger would be if he did not have this place.

The black color of the wood disguised the dried remains of blood only slightly, nothing can ever block out the memories.

This place was his retreat – the only place that, when it was locked, the maids knew that if they came in they would come out only to go straight to hospital.

Every once in a while, a ray of pure light would hit the mirror right along the crack. The spot of light emitted from it focused on a spot on the opposite wall.

On it, thousands more of the golden symbols had been carved into the wall with the same paint as on the mirror. Unlike the mirror's, these were haphazard, randomly tossed around in a fashion that seemed as if it should make sense, but didn't.

Outside the window was a maple tree, its branches hanging down low from having been struck by lightening years and years earlier. No color came from it, no bird song erupted from the branches – it was as decaying and dead as imaginable and yet still clinging on to life.

Akito's eyes flicked from the tree to his left hand stretched along the wood of the windowsill. He raised it slowly, admiring the way the muscles contorted under his skin. He twisted his hand slowly, eyes never wavering.

_Lies_

The hand clenched abruptly into a tense fist, the nails biting into his pale skin. His eyes were squeezed tight shut, his lips pursed, and his whole body tense and rigid as he tried to block out the thoughts.

_Lies everywhere you look_

His breath caught in his throat as a glistening drop of blood fell from his hand to the floor. He unclenched the fist, staring at the deep red marks set into his ivory palm.

_Always following you_

He brushed the pain aside, shifting his weight to his feet and raising himself up; his right hand tightly clutching the sill.

He stayed like that for what seemed hours, bent over and staring as drop after drop fell from his palm. The silence of the room echoed around him – each tiny_plop _of a drop hitting the floor resonating in his mind.

By the time Akito moved from that position, a small puddle of blood had pooled at his feet. He stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest and tensing them. His fists were on either side of his neck as he curled into himself.

His legs seemed to lose the ability to hold his meager weight, and the last thing that went through his mind before he hit the floor was surprise, as rays of light from the open door saw his fall.

* * *

Shigure's house was surprisingly empty, the only sounds being the clanks of pots and pans echoing through the kitchen where a valiant Tohru was struggling to make her way through the washing up. 

Her hands, though encased in layers of scrubbing gloves, were shaking violently – causing even more noise than humanly possible as she dropped pot after pot onto the floor.

After the tenth pot had struck the floor, she forced herself to stop and breath for a moment. She brushed her bangs away from her face, leaving her hand on top of her hand as she stared at the pot, willing it to speak to her – tell her what was going on.

Yuki had left only half an hour earlier but it felt like ages since she had closed the door behind him, all the while reminding him to button up before he got cold.

She couldn't stop herself from glancing out the window every other minute, maybe hoping to see a weary-looking Yuki trudging toward her with an orange-haired bundle in tow.

Her eyes strayed to the window now, only seeing leaves being blown mercilessly across the ground while the sun beat down upon it.

Shigure had left early in the morning before she had even woken up; all he had left was a note and a carefully pinned rose to the paper. She had blushed faintly, placing the rose into the only vase in the house.

She sighed, bending down to pick up the pot and place it on the counter next to the still undone pile, threatening to topple onto the floor. She glared at it for a second, considering her options. She took a breath and squared her shoulders, getting ready to finish it, but then her gaze strayed out the window and her resolve weakened.

The gloves were left in a pile on the floor of the kitchen.

She trudged into the living room, collapsing onto the couch. Her whole body was tense, her arms crossed across her chest, her knees so tight together they were knocking from the seemingly never-ceasing tremors raking her body.

She forced her eyes closed, lifting her hands to her ears and clutching them as she slowly began to rock herself, trying to quell the tears tickling her eyelids.

Kicking small clouds of dust in front of him as he walked, Sohma Yuki trudged along the well-worn path he himself had made. There was sunlight surrounding him; causing him to take his jacket off and drape it over his arm, but it couldn't drive out the dark thoughts pressing onto him. The dark memories popping out from his past and screaming 'Boo!' in his ears. No matter which way he looked, he saw the same thing.

-

"_You've failed us Yuki."_

_How small he felt, how insignificant... Kneeling in front of such powerful figures, their power making him tremble and quake - all he could think of was how to get out, get away. But they wouldn't leave him be._

"_Time after Time… Can't you do anything we ask?"_

_Poisonous words kept pouring from their mouths, falling straight into the vulnerable Yuki's ears. Such people, were they not meant to help? Were they not meant to guide? Being of the same family, sharing the same blood, does that not create a bond of any kind?_

"_You're such a disappointment!"_

_Apparently not…_

_- _

Is there some way to shut out the memories? Is there an off button that Yuki just wasn't intelligent enough to find? Do they never leave? Does the past really stick with you forever? But more importantly, _does the pain ever numb?_

Yuki shook his head, as if a sudden sharp movement could clear his head of the feelings. The thoughts…

The silence allowed him to hear the little things going on around him, things that he normally had no time for, things he usually couldn't care less about.

When you were looking for anything at all to distract you from your thoughts, small things work too.

Birds ... Leaves cracking under his feet… and a very suspicious rustling…

And then, he tensed up completely. He stopped walking, the forward motion making him feel sick and disoriented. His body, however, kept moving after his feet had stopped; sending him falling head-first in a very undignified way to the ground.

"Kuso..." He muttered under his breath. Yuki lay there for a couple of minutes as silence returned and his breath slowed to normal. He sighed, shifting his weight to his knees and bracing himself against a nearby tree to help him up. He was halfway up, when…

_**A sharp wave of pain shot through his chest causing him to double over, hissing. His body contorted, centering on the pain in a subconscious act of protection. His legs were drawn up to his stomach, his back arching off the ground. It felt like someone wasn't only poking him with needles, but stabbing him with them and pulling them out from the other side. His head exploded as a pain that seemed to come from nowhere in particular erupted through it, effectively splitting it in two. Amid all this, came the all too familiar faint feeling of missing that vital body component, that beautiful red thing we call blood. And then… just as suddenly as it started, it… **_

Stopped…

It left Yuki gasping and coughing in a ball on the ground. His eyes were teary, water dripping from them having been clenched tight shut. His right hand clutched the floor in a frantic attempt to be connected to something, to have something hold him to the ground and keep him from remembering what it felt like to have his body ripped in two. His left arm was at his chest, pressing hard against his heart, which was beating loudly in his ears.

Minutes past, and, gradually, the beat receded back into his chest where it belonged. His breathing calmed, and his eyes closed naturally, his whole body relaxing as it realized the threat was gone.

And with the silence, came that ominous rustling sound once more, as if it were stalking Yuki. As he listened, it got louder and louder with ever second that passed.

He took a deep breath, shifting his weight to his feet. Both his hands were braced against the ground, as he moved onto his knees. He stayed like that for a while before the impatience got hold of him and he jumped to his feet.

_Woo…!_

_Head Rush._

The rustling was still there, drilling into his head. Yuki blinked, taking a cautious step toward the origin of the sound. Each step took him closer to an old cherry tree that framed his secret garden. It had been the tree that made Yuki choose that clearing for his garden. It always flowered beautifully, and surprisingly, there were many happy memories from that tree.

-

"_What are you doing here Kyo?"_

_Asked a tiny little Yuki, who sat underneath the old cherry tree, staring into the branches. It dwarfed him so enormously; it was almost hilarious to see - a seven year old boy next to a century old tree. _

_A shy little Kyo stood in front of Yuki with an expression somewhere between fear and confusion. _

"_I ... I just wanted to say…" Kyo kicked his foot into the ground, raising a small cloud of dust. He shoved his hands into his pockets, eyes fixed solidly on his left shoe._

"_I don't hate you as much as you think." For one brief moment, Kyo's eyes met Yuki's, before he turned and ran back toward the main house, leaving Yuki alone. _

_Yuki, alone with his cherry tree, sat with tears of joy slipping down his face._

_- _

Yuki approached the tree, and poked his head around the corner to see…

* * *

_Can't see… can't think… can't feel…_

_All I want to do is to sleep…_

_The one thing my body refuses to do…_

Each convulsion wrecked through his body at increasing speeds. His cat form arched off the ground, its eyes glazed over in pain. But Kyo couldn't sense anything, he had no idea what was going on around him or near him.

He cracked open one eye in an effort to regain contact with the world, the bright light causing him to wince slightly.

And all of a sudden, **it**was back.

Enveloping him…

Smothering him…

The Hate.

It stalked him wherever he meant, following him into his darkest dreams, his most private moments. And no matter how far he ran, it still followed him.

And what, you may ask, triggered it? Triggered it to come around and punch him in his already aching gut?

That _face_, looming above him. That ever perfect face, filled with disdain and achievement. It was the kind of face that could send people to their knees. A face that Kyo least needed to see right now. A face that, for some reason, seemed to be filled with…

**Worry**?

* * *

Yuki knelt down beside the shaking feline, patting one trembling paw before putting his arms around him and lifting him into his arms. Kyo as a cat was so much lighter, so much more delicate as a feline than as a human, Yuki felt almost afraid of breaking him. 

One eye was slightly open, but closed soon after being exposed to the sunshine all around them. Yuki felt the Neko tense up, his body becoming stiff.

And then, just as suddenly, the tiny Neko fell limp in his arms, all tenseness leaving his body. Yuki raised an eyebrow, poking the fainted Neko hesitantly. Kyo didn't stir. Yuki got to his feet and turned around, eyes scanning the area, before starting back on the trail toward Shigure's house.

The darkness in the office was ironic compared to the outside. The sunlight that should have freely drifted in was blocked by ten odd trees growing right outside the window. The desk next to it was a very light color, probably pine, and had tens of colorful photos on it, depicting memories and times now forgotten and torn away.

Hatori wasn't seated at his desk; he couldn't stand to look at what he had destroyed any longer. He stood leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for someone to rush in with an emergency, anything to break the silence.

No light came into the room, no wind; the air was stale and old.

He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

_**Riiiiing**_

_**Riiiiing**_

It took Hatori several seconds to realize that the annoying noise breaking the silence was indeed the telephone. He stepped forward, choosing to ignore the other things cluttering his desk space. He yanked up the phone.

"Sohma Hatori."

"Hatori, we found Kyo."

"… I'll be right over"

* * *

_Is this hate or something more?_

_All I wish is that my throat weren't this sore_

_From screaming and shouting out_

_Trying to get your attention_

_Trying to ease all this tension_

* * *

The paper door slid slowly open, hesitantly. It creaked to a halt, revealing an indifferent face on top of hunched shoulders. Yuki pushed the door closed behind him, walking into the room. 

The setting sun's fading light lit up the room, casting everything in a deep golden glow. The room was a lot less organized than the last time Yuki had seen it. Now it looked like someone had had an incredibly violent fit, tossing papers and clothes all over the floor – throwing things at the wall that caused deep indents.

Yuki restrained the urge to roll his eyes, carefully traversing the room to stand beside the futon, and stare down at its occupant.

Kyo's eyes were shut, peacefully and in total relaxation. One hand was clutching at the top of his blanket, the other tucked underneath. Next to him was Hatori, biting his nails absent mindedly.

Every so often, Hatori would raise his arm up to glare at his watch, then look at Kyo, then back at the watch – clearly unhappy with the results.

As Yuki looked on, Hatori stood and turned to walk toward the door, choosing not to even attempt to traverse the things strewn around the room.

Yuki stayed by the futon, staring down at Kyo with an unreadable expression on his face.

_Always trying to bring attention to himself…_

_**Is he really?**_

_...Yes_

_**Uh huh. You think he chose this? You think he would willingly let you see him at his weakest? When he's most in pain? You think that gives him a kick?**_

_You'll twist the words of whatever I say anyway – no comment._

…

_Lucky Bastard…_

_**Ya think?**_

_At least he's allowed to be __at__ his weakest._

_**Now who's trying to bring attention to themselves?**_

…

_**You're not always the only one at fault, Yuki. You're also not the only one with something pissing them off, something that doesn't let them sleep at night. You need to lower your opinion of your problems.**_

…

_**At least realize he's just like you really. **_

_No he's not!_

_**Tell me Yuki, what do you see when you look at his face? Do you see the face of an attention-whore? Do you see the face of someone who wants pity?**_

…

_**You see yourself, don't you? That's what pisses the hell out of you, but that's also what keeps you from letting go of him entirely. **_

…

_**You see yourself.**_

Hatori's voice drifted toward Yuki, shaking him from his reverie.

"We need to leave."

"...Why?"

"Yuki, please don't make this difficult."

Yuki raised an eyebrow at Hatori's distant attitude, the way his eyes were avoiding looking at either Kyo or Yuki, the way he seemed to want to run away as fast as his legs could take him.

But now, he realized, was not the time.

So Yuki left. And he chose to ignore the muffled screams that seemed to be coming from the room he left, the thrashing sounds, the whimpering - he ignored it all.

* * *

Days past, with Yuki spending more and more time in Kyo's room, just sitting by his side, or leaning against the window and staring out at the forest. Each day, Yuki's expression became more and more unreadable, more and more indifferent. 

When forced to go back to school, he was incessantly questioned about his mood, his distant attitude, the way he always seemed to isolate himself. _  
_

Hatori hadn't come back after the first day, only calling once or twice to check if Kyo was still there.

_**So what if he doesn't wake up?**_

_**Why do you care?**_

_I don't. It's just natural to be worried about taking him to the hospital, for example - considering our condition._

_**Liar**_

_Believe what you want._

_**Oh, believe me, I will…**_

_On second thought…_

_**Uh huh. **_

…

_**It'll be too late very soon, Yuki. Soon, you won't ever be able to get him back.**_

_What? How?_

…

_Hello?_

…

_Oh great. So you shut up when I need you?_

_**Pretty much…**_

_**\ **_

* * *

_That hate you never deny_

_Will never truly die_

_Cuz I don't know who you are_

_You're just too far_

_And all I want_

_Is to know what you think of me_

_Without lies clouding everything I see_

* * *

Muahahahaha 

You know you love me

As always the 6 Review Rule stands. I **will not update** until I get 6 Reviews.

Yup - talk about a good threat.

Whadya Think Peoples?! I'm not going to apologize for my story, but it most definitely is not the best one I've read. I've read a couple good ones though :-)

Anyways - Review Meh! Click Teh Button!!


	11. When You Weren't Around

_Disclaimer: The writer of this fan fiction does not own in any way, shape, or form the featured manga/anime. She is not making any form of money by writing this, so if you sue her - she might give you a fuzzy WDW hoodie, but that's the end of her personal riches. She does, however, own the plot line(of the fan fiction, not the manga/anime). Steal at your own risk. _

_Warnings: Obscenely short transition chapter + Yuki!Angst + Return of previously vanished author._

_This chapter was meant as a transition, but it also has some important points in it. I don't expect people to see the symbolism and wordplay I put in the writing, but if anyone would care to comment if my writing style has changed; it would really help me._

_Thanks for reading!_

XI : '_When you weren't around_."

* * *

_If you plant yourself here I wouldn't miss you for long  
But then comes the day when you leave town  
I'm back to the way I was when you weren't around_

_If you want to know what that was like  
I'll tell you first, it was way too quiet  
It rained a hundred nineteen days of the year  
I spent my time falling down the stairs  
I know I can't tie you to a leash  
But something tells me you'd go further than Greece  
And then I'll have to figure out what to do  
I'm kind of afraid I'm co-dependent on you  
_

_- 'Swingset Chain' : Loquat_

To Hatori, it looked like someone had dragged a giant paintbrush through the sky, not caring whether colors blended or leaked. The last echoes of sunlight were reflected in the remaining pools of stagnant water from the downpour that had ceased barely an hour earlier.

He marched along the street, footsteps echoing in the contained space created by overhanging buildings and shut doors.

His hands were shoved deeply into his pockets, his head was tilted back, bangs only slightly falling away from darkened eyes, and his pace was unhurried - creating an almost hypnotic rhythm of footsteps.

He exhaled slowly, letting out a breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding.

The sun was getting lower rapidly as he reached the end of the street, where houses ended and grass began. Minutes passed, and before he knew it, he had reached Shigure's gate.

He rested a hand on the cool metal of the gate, leaning forward so that his forward was resting on cool metal. He sighed, closing his eyes. _(because when the air is cold and your thoughts are cold, what else is there to do but succumb to it when you never really had warmth?)_

Then the gate was pulled open, sending him flying with only the sound of an echoing wail in his ears.

"Ah! Hatori-san!"

He sighed, not needing to look up to recognize that voice._(is happiness contagious?)_

"I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!" He turned his head to the side, to see a pair of decidedly pretty legs kneeling beside him. He silently thanked himself for not having the thought process of Shigure.

"Are you alri-" Her breathy exclamations were interrupted by Hatori's deep voice.

"I'm fine, Honda-san." He looked up from trembling knees to tear-filled eyes, sighing a bit.

"It's really nothing to worry about."

"But, It was so rude of me to pull the door open without checking, and now you fell and-"

She stopped, her mouth falling open a little in shock as a quiet chuckle escaped from the Sohma family doctor's lips.

"I'm _fine_." She smiled down at him, biting her lip slightly. He coughed, and she jumped up - extending a hand to him.

"Thank you." She leaned down to pick up the woven basket she had dropped.

"It's the least I could do." Hatori looked at the cascade of hair hiding the girl's expression as she leaned over, and immediately (_his thoughts spiraled into realms of entangling webs where every smile was hiding a secret and every laugh was only covering another deception)_

He looked up, realizing that Tohru was already several feet ahead of him along the path, looking back at him concernedly. She blinked, flashing a bright smile at him.

"Are you coming?" Her voice drifted back to him. He gave a short nod, before turning around to look back at the gate he'd come in from. The sun had set completely, turning the entire street Hatori had walked along into varying shades of gray.

"Hatori-san?"

He turned back to Tohru, letting his lips tilt slightly.

"Yes." (_maybe change is possible, can you see the trust I put in you?)_

She smiled at him, her smile revealing the true white glory of her teeth. (_I see it. sometimes it keeps me awake at night pondering over it but yet I know that I can and will do this.)_

"Come on then!"( _and I am here to show you that __everything happens for a reason, because all sunsets must have a sunrise, so smile - because you know that what is dark will always turn light)_

He walked forward, shoving his hands back into his pockets. (_don't tell me these things, show me)_

_--_

* * *

"I'm sorry, Yuki-kun" The patronizing tone of voice only made the rat sigh. "But I just don't trust you enough to let you stay in the room with the porn."

"….Then move the porn."

"Sacrilege!"

Minutes passed.

"This is where you reply in outraged indignation, Yuki-kun."

"I'm too tired, Shigure"

"..I know" (_sometimes we wonder if you even know what you're doing to yourself.)_

Yuki looked away, his body remaining tense even as a calming breeze blew through the open window. His eyes were half-shut even as he lifted a too pale hand to stifle yet another yawn(_that everyone noticed he was stifling except him)_

Shigure looked away, suddenly feeling ill._(resentment comes in the oddest forms, and sometimes it hides under the same mask as love)_

An awkward silence descended over the kitchen, with both parties suddenly wondering why exactly they were there – when the front door slammed open in that distinctly graceful way capable only of one person.

Shigure perked up. "Tohru-kun?'

"Yes! It's me. And I've brought Hatori-san!"

Shigure coughed. "Where did you abduct him from then?"

A flushed looking Tohru bounced through the door, hair mussed and eyes shining. She held an empty basket in her hands, using her back to keep the door open.

"No, silly. He dropped in to see us!"

Hatori walked through the door, leaves entangled in his hair. "All too true."

Tohru's face turned a violent red, "Ah, I'm sorry, Hatori-san!"

He smiled, tousling his hair with one hand. "It's fine. I'm sorry for bringing it up, Tohru-kun."

Yuki looked away from the window_(escape is a luxury)_ for the first time since Hatori and Tohru had entered, smiling slightly at Tohru.

"Did you have fun outside, Honda-san?"

Tohru turned from Hatori, to smile brightly at Yuki. "Yes! Thank you, Yuki-kun!"

Yuki laughed under his breath, turning back to the window. He closed his eyes, letting the cool air brush his face. (_the room is airy, the people are happy, the tone is light and yet all you can do is remain in your own private darkness.)_

Tohru sighed, letting her apron fall over her head as she turned to the refrigerator.

"I had an idea today!"

Yuki cradled his head in his hands, tilting so that he could watch Tohru's movements. (_because all you can do is vainly grasp and reach out for that pin-prick of happiness)_

Shigure stuck out his tongue. 'Should I be worried?"

Tohru laughed nervously. "I...hope not." She looked worried for a moment before visibly perking up again. "I'm going to make Strawberry Shortcake!"

"Oh, you do have the most ingenious ideas, Tohru-kun. The things we could do with strawberry shortcake…"

The sound of metal hitting bone echoed through the room.

"_Ouch!_ Haa-san….."

"Stop being a pervert."

Tohru's silent question of 'Where did he get the frying pan…' went unanswered.

"Oh, but is it not in my blood?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"Good! I'll just keep talking then."

Yuki let his eyes fall closed and allowed the echoes of conversation to fade away.

--

* * *

It was nightfall again, and Yuki couldn't help but wish he had the sun to guide him through the hidden pitfalls that littered his crisscrossing path through the woods.

The silence, he concluded, had never made more noise. The sound of twigs snapping under his weight was the only sound in the forest, as even the birds hadn't bothered to come out of their safe nests on such a desolate day.

Yuki didn't know why he was out there, himself. He had suddenly stood up from the table, causing the others to look at him quizzically, and then he had turned and walked out.

He was fed up with the way they looked at him, the sympathy laced through their voices, and the pity in their eyes. He was sick of the way they asked him what was wrong when _he_ didn't know, and he couldn't stand the way they thought they knew him better than he knew himself.

But what he hated the most was that they were right. That with every passing day, he felt like he was becoming more and more estranged from _himself_. Once upon a time, his world was filled with the simplicity of love and hate. The black and white void that could contain no inferior shades of gray.

And now, he felt like a giant grey blob that blundered into other people's lives, leaving trails of destruction in his wake.

And he hated the way everyone was okay with that.

Yuki kicked a pinecone out of the way, was wacked in the head by one particularly malicious tree branch, got his foot caught in a protruding tree root, and tumbled headfirst into a clearing in the middle of the forest.

He got to his feet, dusting his knees off. He exhaled noisily, closing his eyes and tilting his head back as he absorbed the last rays of sun that managed to find their way through the tangle of branches overhead.

It was the weirdest feeling in the world to describe, and he wasn't even sure why he was trying to. It was a physical throb in his heart, as if he could feel it swelling and expanding underneath his very skin. The lump in his throat was perpetual, the way his bangs covered his eyes accidental, and the tears that escaped through his closed lids corrupt.

--

* * *

--

"So she said, 'My gag reflexes are so bad I might not be able to swallow it all!"

"Just stop there, Shigure. You're giving Tohru-kun a heart attack."

"On the contrary, Haa-San, I am giving her an _epiphany_."

'Shut up."

"I didn't get to finish my story.."

"I think we all know how it ends."

Shigure tsked noisily, "So assuming, Haa-San."

Hatori raised an eyebrow at the grinning dog before turning to Tohru. "Honda-San, why don't you go check on Yuki? He's been gone for a while and a storm is coming."

Tohru's mouth opened in a small 'o' as her eyes flicked from the door to Hatori. "Ah…Thank you, Hatori-san!" She smiled brightly at him before getting her basket and sprinting out the door.

"Who knew you were so sneaky?"

"Be quiet, Shigure. We have something to talk about."

"And that would be…"

"I've figured out how we can save Kyo."

_XI - Fin_

* * *

_Who doesn't like obscenely short transition chapters with cliffhangers? _

_Anyone see any symbolism? Huh?_

_Grammar/Spelling mistakes? Help me and point them out. _

_How in HELL do these people address each other? I despise honorifics. _

_I love you all. _

_All readers are cherished, reviewers are adored, flamers fended off with large sticks, and constructive criticizers worshiped on a daily basis. _

**© Tenpa-Neko 2008  
**

* * *


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